Sometimes, just sometimes, when I think about where I am in my life, it feels surreal. So many things to be thankful for.
But when you truly stop to just reflect on things you have accomplished or witnessed lately, how does it make you feel?
Lately, I have been letting the media world of age, and looks get to me. Diminishing my inner beauty because of the world's demands of the outer beauty. Letting the world tell me, I am old. If I don't start a career now, it could be too late.
Wrong signals, and I know they all are not true. It just seems crazy to think in just a few months the routine of the last four years of my life, will change drastically. No more managing work, school, and an internship, along with socializing.
No more, waking up in the middle of the night, thinking oh crap, thats due tomorrow.
No more driving to Brockport, enjoying the thirty minutes of loud music and singing where NO ONE can hear you.
No more campus events,
No more dorm life
No more doodling in my notebook in class.
No more thinking, is this done yet?
No more, no more.
Life is about to change again, love. And that's ok.
I am used to change, but all the pressure is on, to be everything I day-dreamed about in class.
Or, I can just enjoy what happens, and not put the pressure on myself. Just remembering that God always knows what he is doing, there is a reason I am here, doing what I do, right now, and that is powerful!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The eye begger
Her dark blue eyes opened, her body was warm from the blankets, she stretched her arms out while taking a deep breath, and instantly remembered her puppy was now sleeping in his spot.
He was awake, sitting, staring at her with those crystal brown rounded eyes, and his sandy brown body that told her exactly what he wanted, to get up and eat. Once her happy, yet lonely eyes met his, his head tilted to the side, in anticipation of her understanding his needs.
As the puppy always wakes with excitement, today was her day to wake with excitement, it was a day off.
Big plans on decorating the inside of her apartment to try to fill the now empty space. He has left, for work, for days, and nights.
As she walked up to the busiest store in town, she noticed she wasn't walking along side anyone as she entered the store. She wasn't greeted by a smiling face. She wasn't feeling the rush to get out. As she stepped further into the store she slowed down her pace, feeling sad, for the store is lonely too.
After a quick one item shop, she left the store, and it was as she stepped through the exit door her head turned to the left and the world paused.
She saw a man, trying to hide against the outside wall with his red child size 10 speed bike. He was leaning next to the bike and his dark dark brown eyes were shuffling through the few people walking by him, up then down then left then right. They were scanning swiftly through others motions. She wondered if he was scared.
He never made eye contact with anyone, he would quickly look down, then his eyes would flash back up, and he would search, looking for anything that might bring hope in to the laid off mechanic's soul.
His hands were stained black, and his heart was looking the same. How could he go and apply for a job, when his offerings are charcoal. He was trembling. Pictures of his little Maddie flashed before him, he reached his black hand out feeling her presence. His head tilted and his hand slowly fell down. He looked right at her. Her deep lonely eyes, met his deep terrified eyes.
What would she do?
What would he do?
He was awake, sitting, staring at her with those crystal brown rounded eyes, and his sandy brown body that told her exactly what he wanted, to get up and eat. Once her happy, yet lonely eyes met his, his head tilted to the side, in anticipation of her understanding his needs.
As the puppy always wakes with excitement, today was her day to wake with excitement, it was a day off.
Big plans on decorating the inside of her apartment to try to fill the now empty space. He has left, for work, for days, and nights.
As she walked up to the busiest store in town, she noticed she wasn't walking along side anyone as she entered the store. She wasn't greeted by a smiling face. She wasn't feeling the rush to get out. As she stepped further into the store she slowed down her pace, feeling sad, for the store is lonely too.
After a quick one item shop, she left the store, and it was as she stepped through the exit door her head turned to the left and the world paused.
She saw a man, trying to hide against the outside wall with his red child size 10 speed bike. He was leaning next to the bike and his dark dark brown eyes were shuffling through the few people walking by him, up then down then left then right. They were scanning swiftly through others motions. She wondered if he was scared.
He never made eye contact with anyone, he would quickly look down, then his eyes would flash back up, and he would search, looking for anything that might bring hope in to the laid off mechanic's soul.
His hands were stained black, and his heart was looking the same. How could he go and apply for a job, when his offerings are charcoal. He was trembling. Pictures of his little Maddie flashed before him, he reached his black hand out feeling her presence. His head tilted and his hand slowly fell down. He looked right at her. Her deep lonely eyes, met his deep terrified eyes.
What would she do?
What would he do?
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