And then I heard the voice

So once again my fabulous husband never tells me the answers I hope to hear but the answers of truth that probably others are afraid to tell me.. It goes like this..

Today was a day where my mind was constantly racing. Ever since I graduated I feel like I have to prove I am doing something with my life with my degree. I don't look at what I have, I look for what else can I have.

This is so the world's way of thinking, and in my opinion the worst way of thinking. I start going on about if i lived here I could do this, or if I did this then I could have that. Letting my mind wander from what I truly am meant to do, letting my mind doubt that the things I truly desire in life won't come, so I went home told Eric how I was feeling and he said to me, " That's because you are never happy with what you have, you always look for more." That is true and that I am working on changing. There is so much that I have to be thankful for right now, so much about life in each day to enjoy, without worrying about whats to come in the future.

I said an outloud prayer after the phone conversation with eric, saying "God, please forgive me for wanting so much more, not being thankful for what I have, help take this cloudyness away." Then you know what came to be, "Be still and know that I am God."

It was amazing, and I realized how can I for one second, doubt how wonderful my life is now and will be in the future when I have the one who knows me inside and out guiding my path.

It's pretty amazing when you let it be...

So,, now I enjoy life, I take it in, and I continue to work on my book and enjoy.

Really? Is it over?

It's eleven at night. Usually I am laying in bed exhausted from everything, scheduling interviews, writing stories, pulling out nails, building door frames, serving lattes with just a little this or that, getting reviews done, constantly being watched as a role model, eating, taking care of my pets, husband, myself, the list goes on and on, and I am always waiting for the day of rest.


I just finished the last thing I will ever do at Brockport, a final. That's it, it's final, I am done at Brockport. I have one more final at GCC, to transfer the credit to my Bachelors at Brockport, but really I am there, it is almost completely done, forever?

Wow, I would have never thought graduating would give me mixed feelings. I keep asking myself why am I not screaming, getting all crazy, setting up some kind of crazy adventure with everyone, celebrating.

Why do I feel like, huh.

Maybe its the economy.

Maybe it's because I have no idea where I am going.

Maybe, just maybe, I am scared to death.