So I celebrated my fifth wedding anniversary what a week ago now, and it was nice because my husband had been outta town for a couple weeks and he came home early Fri. morning. Just having him home felt like a weight was lifted. He sees his present Riley and I wrapped for him and it was still sitting in her room, his expression is hilarious to me now, cuz it was OH SHIT, she got me something.
He did not have to say a word.
I knew right then and there he didn't get me anything, for our anniversary. AND he had all week to shop without ANY kids.....
For a second I wanted to start crying, the selfish thoughts came flooding through, " I was with the girls all week, I had to do everything around here, inside chores outside chores and still do everything for Habitat..." Then I stopped when I saw the joy on Rileys face with all of us together and in that moment I prayed and let it go.... who cares.... I kept reminding myself that later that evening we were going on a date!!
It has been several weeks since we did that.
So we go on our date. It was four wheeling on the trails behind our house. And it was my idea... It was SO MUCH fun. I loved it. Going 30 mphs on the quad took me right back to college and riding Erics motorcycle with him... We both enjoyed it and I felt like a kid again that wild sorta free feeling.
We got all muddy and found a huge spot where it was like a foot deep of water... Yeah we both took turns driving through that! It was a great night.
The next morning there it was... The devil doing his finest, trying to steal my joy. "YOUR HUSBAND DIDN"T GET YOU A PRESENT!" and you can imagine the other jabs that were thrown at me.
All weekend long I was being taunted with this. I have ass-ed gave it to God. And the devil is sneaky. I started justifying that fine, he didn't get me anything I will go out and buy something luxerious. ( which if you know me.. I need a deal and time to research to find a deal and get a quality product) But I was using the Im just gonna go out and impulse buy something... Like a big new area rug for the living room..... But after a few days of that my heart didn't feel so clear, it was clouding up.
Then I let it slip one time, in a joking way that justified me saying it, " Well since you didn't get me anything for our anniversary....." It felt wrong as soon as it came out..
I finally said enough is enough. I am not going to attack my husband and do this over a material thing. I spent some time in the word. I spent some time listening to nature and giving it to God. Truly surrendering those feelings and reflecting on the great relationship my husband and I have. I focused on all the good things. All the things he does around this house and what an awesome helper he is. How nine years ago today he walked into my dorm room and became everything to me.
He always spends time with the girls after a long day at work. He will always ask when I am making dinner if I need anything. He includes the girls in what he is doing he is always there involved in their daily things, as well as mine.
I didn't buy anything.
I don't need anything.
I truly have all that I need.
Of course I don't have the things I want.... but wanting is such a waste of time.
And the only way to cure a want is to focus on what you have and give everything you can.
I need God, I need his word. I need my husband. I need to love.
And now we are growing closer together and we grow closer to God by doing daily devotions from the Love Dare devotions ( which the last message at church kick started this into gear for us!) and I am excited for how this new time spent together will shape our hearts for others and one another.
So it's been a week and I laugh that my husband didn't get me a present and I am happy that I don't need to give in to society on the "norms" and that I can give it to God and not be tempted with holding onto something so materialistic against my husband.
And why shall I do this? Because love is the key. Genuine love is a master at reconciliations. When love takes over, it compels us to humbly apologize and take full responsibility for our failures and fully forgive where our spouse has failed us over and over again.
Coriinthians 13:13
