When my first daughter was born my brother was extremely ill. I flew to North Carolina every couple months that first year. I took her on the plane for the first time when she was 2 months old and just two days before we left, she had a very congested lung and I had to bring a nebulizer with me. The nurse scared the crap out of me telling me if it gets worse take her to the ER right away..
I contemplated if I should go or not. But when I thought about my brother and what was happening to him the answer was obvious, Go.
Two and a half years it has been since my brother has been sick. I can't even say since he was diagnosed, because he is a "medical mystery".
It was the hardest year of my life. Looking back having a first baby was probably not as bad as I remember because I was so stressed from being away from my family with this medical crisis and not being able to do anything for any of them, especially Taylor.
We went down to the scariest point, slowly surfing back to the top, wondering if he would live to see another day.
Spirtually, my relationship with Jesus was on fire. I felt so close to him. I could feel him with me in every moment hear him and I stopped. Believed in an end to all the pain and suffering he was living with.
Now Taylor is at home, eating, and slowly doing better. Eating.. he couldn't eat for so long. What a daily thing we take for granted. The taste of food, the choice. Just think so many of us get to chose whatever we want to eat.
Things haven't been so shaky for at least 10 months. Of course there have always been a few here and theres to the hospital. But after that first year much improvement.
And then my relationship with God seemed to dwindle a bit. Then I started to yearn for him everyday. When I didn't have any control over my brothers illness or my parents heartache, all I could do was pray.
It is amazing how just spending time talking with God every day changes everything in your view.
Now Taylor has to have another surgery. It looks like whatever this disease is, which they say it is resembling more Chron's but they really have no idea, is attacking him again.
He is 24 years old. He inspires me. He has shown such strength through all of this, so much I can feel my eyes well up with astonishment and sadness.
Again it is so hard not being close to my family, wishing I could just pack up my life here and go there. The one thing I can do right now in this moment, is pray. Continue to be with God and feel comfort, encouragement, be reminded of those around me who are a blessing in my life, little reminders from God that he is here with us in everything that we do.
I will not fear the storm, my help is on the way. I know that if we ask he will be there, and that even in times when we forget to ask, he is still there. It's when we open ourselves up that we feel him present in our life. Hearing things we may not wanted to hear, or seeing opportunities we may not have known existed.
"Helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God
with greater effect than all your uttered pleas." Ole Hallesby
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