Well, I have finally done it. Three months working on it off and on, wondering if I should do this. Struggling with is that really you God saying YES DO IT! Or my own voice?
And after three months, I know it was God! So I went for it!
Please check it out here and leave a comment on the page and let me know what you think!!
www.bataviasbestbargains.com
I have also started a facebook group, if you are interested in joining us click here!
Thanks for you support! It's off to a really good start and it's all thanks to our heavenly Father!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
I drink to remember, I smoke to forget.. My Kerfuffle experience!"
Let me just say that Kerfuffle was so worth the $25 ticket! And let me just tell you about this little day away from home!
Eric and I have been to 3 concerts together..... Yep I know.... after Kerfuffle 4!
When I first met him he was into country and I was into hip hop... We are such opposites but it is amazing to see us come together and join the thickest braided rope! We only get stronger!
Anyways jump to 10 years down the road, I am always hearing more alternative music on in his truck now! So sweet!! And I still do not care for country music :)
Anyways our two concert experiences went kinda like our first two camping trips.
Fighting the whole time...
At concerts I'm into the music. I'm singing. I'm dancing. I'm jumping. I'm screaming.
At concerts Eric is stiff. He looks almost like he wants to hurl over and die.
I point this out to him. He does not like that.
I tell him what's the point of coming to a concert like Collective Soul and showing no emotion..
I ask him how can the music not move you?
The concert ended with YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON TO SEE A CONCERT WITH!
And that was it. 2 years it has been.
Let me add in here that we went to Barenaked Ladies at the Ampitheatre ( by far my favorite place to hear bands) And I started bawling, tears not stopping because he didn't put his arms around me or kiss me at all.) The next day I took a pregnancy test! Little Mackenzie!!
So he was very reluctant when I brought up Kerfuffle to him.
"But you love every band that's gonna be there. I promise I won't put you down for being a downer :) " I tell him.
Now let me just tell you since our college days Eric has come out of his shell so much! He is more outgoing than ever! And know I know the best way to get Eric to relax.... BEER!!
So we go to eat. We drink beer. We stop at Target to get Beer.
We get to the parking lot. People are drinking beer. We crack open some beers.
We continue to drink with the other thousands and thousands of people drinking.
Guess what?
Eric danced the entire night.
We danced to the porter potties. Fist Pump Fist Pump
We danced to get pizza.
We danced next to the dudes that were still dressed as the 'popular guys' in high school. Wait are we still in high school?!
Which those dudes also lit up. A mother and her probably 13 or 14 year old daughter was in front of them she turned around appalled for her daughters sake, but we saw the look, the memories coming back from an earlier time!
We saw a couple of older brothers who were Eric's inspiration to let loose. The one guy played the bass all night long and swung his hips pretty dang good for an "old dude".
We started dancing to The Crystal Method ( have you listened to them? There's no way you can't move!)
Than an overwhelming feeling of Jonathan came over me. The times we had so much fun was with our dear friend Jonathan..who is no longer on this Earth physically.
So we danced the Jonathan move. If you knew him, you know his signature move. I almost stopped in my dancing and wanted to fall to my knees and cry, instead I looked over at my husband dancing in front of all these people smiling, and I knew Jonathan was right there with us. Eric knew too.
So Cage the Elephant was last of course and AMAZING! We get to the wild front crowd. We have a couple to the left of us bumping and grinding the whole time. I was amazed that, the guy could lean back with his knees bent like that for an entire hour and half.
The couple behind us was probably in their late 30s... A guy who screamed rich to me. Major attitude and checking out lots of girls. After the first song why I had a feeling to look behind me, him and his girl are snorting something, I had to look away. His girlfriend looked so lost. I had to say a prayer right there. No point in asking what is your faith background was... I could barely hear myself think.
Than after the next song a woman probably in her sixties comes up next to me, alone. She starts smoking a joint.
The group in front of us lights up. The group of guys who were probably 17 light up. I'm taking this all in because I had stopped drinking so I could drive us home, and again I look behind me to see my husband who hasn't stopped dancing the entire time still at it with his smile!!
Jonathan was my dancing partner. Eric used to refuse to go out dancing with us. I could always go with Jonathan because Eric trusted him. I could protect myself. I was a very rude girl in college. One wrong look from a guy, I would go right up to him and tell him a piece of my mind... Oh those were the days!!
Anways, Im jumping up and down and up and down. And I hear a thump..
WAS THAT A BODY?
I turn around. OH MY GOSH! A body is on the ground.
I scream "ERIC" like he needs to do something.
Eric stops. He pulls the guy off the ground along with another guy helping. I scream check his pulse. ( I have just taken in everyone getting high, and of course I have nothing wrong with this, 'Im a mother now, a still nursing mother...sigh.. and I just knew some one was gonna get hurt :) I see a panic look on Erics face.
Hes not breathing I think. I tell them to check his pulse. I am ready inside. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to do CPR here.
I start wiping my lips...
Eric's checking his pulse. I saw the kids eyes roll when he was on the ground.
So Eric starts slapping the crap outta this kids face. My eyes get wide. WOW, that should do it I think.
SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP.
The kids eyes open.
'Im fine. I'm fine."
His friend says " You wanna go." He says " Yeah."
And that was that. Everyone resumes jumping.
And that my friend is why I love concerts and good music and people having a good time and being older and watching young kids go overboard. Not knowing there limits.
Which leaves me to a funny story of the first time Eric and I met. If you have read this far you're in for a special treat.
The first party Eric and I went to together in college was a doozy as my parents say.
Ill try to keep it short.
I was just getting over a very confusing high school relationship, that was complicated... So my awesome dorm neighbor Travis was 21! Oh sweet!! And we got along great. So I had him buy me a bottle of Bacardi 151. A small bottle. I cant remember the ounce size. ( we still have the bottle somewhere in a bin)
Anyways I drank the whole bottle, straight, in a matter of hours. My first experience being that drunk that quick.
I was sitting on the couch. Just drinking. Moping really. How fun huh? I'm sitting on the couch with another friend Timmy and he's talking to me and all of a sudden his voice is fading.
I start to panic. Oh no... Oh noo.. The room starts spinning. Oh boy... I overdid it....
I tell Timmy I'm gonna be sick.. I try to stand. I can't. I panic.
This can't be happening. Me not in control... Oh no I will get my ass outside. I stand up. I'm wobbly. Timmy comes to my side and walks me to door. I can't see crap. Eric comes to my other side. We go to the porch. I stand at the door frame.
Fresh feb. air! That helps. I think I need to smoke a cig. that should bring me back.
I cant even light my cig. Eric does it for me. I take one puff and pull my finger away and down I go.
Yep flat on my face in the snow, cig still in my hand.
Eric comes to my side. He takes me back to the dorm. He stayed with me all night. As I threw up and threw up and threw up.. All night long.
I had a 7:30 a.m. class the next morning. Who does that?
Oh I skip that bad boy. I was a master at skipping. I missed over 100 days my junior year in High school! Than I missed so many days in my video editing class, that I was on the verge of getting kicked out ( just like in high school and I sweet talked my way into letting them keep me!) ( Don't think for a minute girls I will fall for your sweet talking! I'm no naive Momma ;) I love you both soo incredibly much. )
I tell Eric he is skipping classes that day too. We are going to Syracuse to the mall!
And after that point there's no looking back!
Im glad that we can still have fun together! And grow together. Through good days and bad days. It's these memories that make me smile on the days that aren't so fun.
And its in these memories I relive my friendship with Jonathan.
I miss him so much.
So so glad I get to see him in heaven... I must say I can't wait to get to heaven!
Eric and I have been to 3 concerts together..... Yep I know.... after Kerfuffle 4!
When I first met him he was into country and I was into hip hop... We are such opposites but it is amazing to see us come together and join the thickest braided rope! We only get stronger!
Anyways jump to 10 years down the road, I am always hearing more alternative music on in his truck now! So sweet!! And I still do not care for country music :)
Anyways our two concert experiences went kinda like our first two camping trips.
Fighting the whole time...
At concerts I'm into the music. I'm singing. I'm dancing. I'm jumping. I'm screaming.
At concerts Eric is stiff. He looks almost like he wants to hurl over and die.
I point this out to him. He does not like that.
I tell him what's the point of coming to a concert like Collective Soul and showing no emotion..
I ask him how can the music not move you?
The concert ended with YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON TO SEE A CONCERT WITH!
And that was it. 2 years it has been.
Let me add in here that we went to Barenaked Ladies at the Ampitheatre ( by far my favorite place to hear bands) And I started bawling, tears not stopping because he didn't put his arms around me or kiss me at all.) The next day I took a pregnancy test! Little Mackenzie!!
So he was very reluctant when I brought up Kerfuffle to him.
"But you love every band that's gonna be there. I promise I won't put you down for being a downer :) " I tell him.
Now let me just tell you since our college days Eric has come out of his shell so much! He is more outgoing than ever! And know I know the best way to get Eric to relax.... BEER!!
So we go to eat. We drink beer. We stop at Target to get Beer.
We get to the parking lot. People are drinking beer. We crack open some beers.
We continue to drink with the other thousands and thousands of people drinking.
Guess what?
Eric danced the entire night.
We danced to the porter potties. Fist Pump Fist Pump
We danced to get pizza.
We danced next to the dudes that were still dressed as the 'popular guys' in high school. Wait are we still in high school?!
Which those dudes also lit up. A mother and her probably 13 or 14 year old daughter was in front of them she turned around appalled for her daughters sake, but we saw the look, the memories coming back from an earlier time!
We saw a couple of older brothers who were Eric's inspiration to let loose. The one guy played the bass all night long and swung his hips pretty dang good for an "old dude".
We started dancing to The Crystal Method ( have you listened to them? There's no way you can't move!)
Than an overwhelming feeling of Jonathan came over me. The times we had so much fun was with our dear friend Jonathan..who is no longer on this Earth physically.
So we danced the Jonathan move. If you knew him, you know his signature move. I almost stopped in my dancing and wanted to fall to my knees and cry, instead I looked over at my husband dancing in front of all these people smiling, and I knew Jonathan was right there with us. Eric knew too.
So Cage the Elephant was last of course and AMAZING! We get to the wild front crowd. We have a couple to the left of us bumping and grinding the whole time. I was amazed that, the guy could lean back with his knees bent like that for an entire hour and half.
The couple behind us was probably in their late 30s... A guy who screamed rich to me. Major attitude and checking out lots of girls. After the first song why I had a feeling to look behind me, him and his girl are snorting something, I had to look away. His girlfriend looked so lost. I had to say a prayer right there. No point in asking what is your faith background was... I could barely hear myself think.
Than after the next song a woman probably in her sixties comes up next to me, alone. She starts smoking a joint.
The group in front of us lights up. The group of guys who were probably 17 light up. I'm taking this all in because I had stopped drinking so I could drive us home, and again I look behind me to see my husband who hasn't stopped dancing the entire time still at it with his smile!!
Jonathan was my dancing partner. Eric used to refuse to go out dancing with us. I could always go with Jonathan because Eric trusted him. I could protect myself. I was a very rude girl in college. One wrong look from a guy, I would go right up to him and tell him a piece of my mind... Oh those were the days!!
Anways, Im jumping up and down and up and down. And I hear a thump..
WAS THAT A BODY?
I turn around. OH MY GOSH! A body is on the ground.
I scream "ERIC" like he needs to do something.
Eric stops. He pulls the guy off the ground along with another guy helping. I scream check his pulse. ( I have just taken in everyone getting high, and of course I have nothing wrong with this, 'Im a mother now, a still nursing mother...sigh.. and I just knew some one was gonna get hurt :) I see a panic look on Erics face.
Hes not breathing I think. I tell them to check his pulse. I am ready inside. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to do CPR here.
I start wiping my lips...
Eric's checking his pulse. I saw the kids eyes roll when he was on the ground.
So Eric starts slapping the crap outta this kids face. My eyes get wide. WOW, that should do it I think.
SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP.
The kids eyes open.
'Im fine. I'm fine."
His friend says " You wanna go." He says " Yeah."
And that was that. Everyone resumes jumping.
And that my friend is why I love concerts and good music and people having a good time and being older and watching young kids go overboard. Not knowing there limits.
Which leaves me to a funny story of the first time Eric and I met. If you have read this far you're in for a special treat.
The first party Eric and I went to together in college was a doozy as my parents say.
Ill try to keep it short.
I was just getting over a very confusing high school relationship, that was complicated... So my awesome dorm neighbor Travis was 21! Oh sweet!! And we got along great. So I had him buy me a bottle of Bacardi 151. A small bottle. I cant remember the ounce size. ( we still have the bottle somewhere in a bin)
Anyways I drank the whole bottle, straight, in a matter of hours. My first experience being that drunk that quick.
I was sitting on the couch. Just drinking. Moping really. How fun huh? I'm sitting on the couch with another friend Timmy and he's talking to me and all of a sudden his voice is fading.
I start to panic. Oh no... Oh noo.. The room starts spinning. Oh boy... I overdid it....
I tell Timmy I'm gonna be sick.. I try to stand. I can't. I panic.
This can't be happening. Me not in control... Oh no I will get my ass outside. I stand up. I'm wobbly. Timmy comes to my side and walks me to door. I can't see crap. Eric comes to my other side. We go to the porch. I stand at the door frame.
Fresh feb. air! That helps. I think I need to smoke a cig. that should bring me back.
I cant even light my cig. Eric does it for me. I take one puff and pull my finger away and down I go.
Yep flat on my face in the snow, cig still in my hand.
Eric comes to my side. He takes me back to the dorm. He stayed with me all night. As I threw up and threw up and threw up.. All night long.
I had a 7:30 a.m. class the next morning. Who does that?
Oh I skip that bad boy. I was a master at skipping. I missed over 100 days my junior year in High school! Than I missed so many days in my video editing class, that I was on the verge of getting kicked out ( just like in high school and I sweet talked my way into letting them keep me!) ( Don't think for a minute girls I will fall for your sweet talking! I'm no naive Momma ;) I love you both soo incredibly much. )
I tell Eric he is skipping classes that day too. We are going to Syracuse to the mall!
And after that point there's no looking back!
Im glad that we can still have fun together! And grow together. Through good days and bad days. It's these memories that make me smile on the days that aren't so fun.
And its in these memories I relive my friendship with Jonathan.
I miss him so much.
So so glad I get to see him in heaven... I must say I can't wait to get to heaven!
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Friendships, harder to make because of Facebook, our lazy relationship?!
Friends...
What a different meaning that word takes on as you go further down the road of life...
My mom was just visiting with us for 25 days. When I say that out loud I chuckle because I felt like time was too short. That it was impossible she was here for almost an entire month...
But indeed she was. And now she is gone.
But that's how it goes when you see your family 2x a year 3x if that's the way things work out...
The ache, the sadness it comes. I expect it and try to prepare for it and its been three full days since they left and I'm feeling better, but it still is so heavy.
And with them leaving and us having such a good time enjoying summer, it got me thinking about friendships...
How to make new friends when it seems everyone is so busy?
I joined Mops.. it was nice... but there is a disconnect.... maybe it's me, maybe it's the program or maybe its just the season of life...
There's groups at church. There's groups all over. But how do we build these relationships? To a point where we feel we can reach out to them, or call them up and invite them over to just hang out, no pressure of anything?
The thing is at this stage of life with young kids it's hard to devote time to building a friendship. I find myself thinking do I want a date night with my husband or a night out with friends? I find myself wanting both!
It takes effort, thoughtfulness and the thing that is so sacred time...
I feel too that with young mother's we can let each other down often. Kids get sick, our priorities get mingled all up. For example, we can see the never ending dishes and something overtakes us and we will cancel a play date because well the house needs to be cleaned right now...
Why do we do that?
But here's something that scares me in my generation and very much so in the younger generations...
Social Media.
How is that we need to be connected to people so much that we have to text them while we are driving?
Are we really so selfish to put others lives at risk to finish that conversation in the car?
Hey I'm no saint. I've done it too. Sometimes Ill be driving and my mind is so crazy something pops into my head and I grab my phone to tell me husband. Than I stop, because it's not worth it.
Are we such a society that we are so 'busy" to put effort into friendships that we can just Facebook each other instead?
Do you feel connected to people by reading their status'? Is this a good thing or a dangerous thing?
Is it too hard to maintain friendships or build them in person and social media becomes a lazy escape?
Is Facebook a lazy friendship?
I'm all for Facebook in the fact that I can throw my pictures up and my entire family gets to see them rather than sending them in e-mail.
I'm all for keeping up to date with family and friends. But when is it too much? Why is that so many of our thoughts about ourselves end up as our tweets or status?
Why am I writing all my thoughts right here, to people I do not know!?
Why do we take so many selfies? How many times do you check Facebook or Twitter in a day?
Do you check to see how many people "liked" your picture?
It's a crazy thing this social media.
Its why I was off for three months, and am wrestling with the idea again.
Why are we so showy on social media? Why can't we post our dirty kitchens and have our kids smiling?
Why is that I take my girls to the park and half the adults there are on their phones?
Why do we need to be so plugged in?
I hate that. I hate how easy it is to fall in the trap.
Our generation doesn't ask neighbors/friends for help, we You tube it instead.
Why is that?
It is so hard for me to be away from my family because time flies, whether your plugged in or out digging in your garden.
When I'm with them it feels so right. My husband and I are so happy and free. I love seeing all of us just truly enjoying each others company. There is no competition no judgement. It's amazing.
How do we obtain new friendships to feel like that?
Effort, time, pray, and non judgement. Love.
What would happen if instead of checking Facebook for the 2nd or 3rd time in a day we spend time with God?
So today Im so very thankful to a God who loves us no matter what. A God who knows our hearts deepest desires and wants to fulfill them. I'm so thankful for my family. I'm so thankful for my friends.
My inspiration for you is this,
" Two are better than one; because they have a god reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow." Ecclesiastes 4:9
"Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy." Proverbs 27:6
'There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Sunday, June 1, 2014
This is why Im getting a divorce
Were we too young when we met?
It seems we are living the American Dream, but is the American Dream something not all of us want?
When you are married, why is that you chose to get married?
Why do you choose to stay married?
Why do you choose to be committed to this person?
How does our culture view marriage?
We have a mix of married friends, single friends, and although I do not personally know of anyone my age getting a divorce, I know a lot of people who are my age, their parents are getting divorced.
But we are now hearing people our age who are just wanting to give up. Playing with divorce in their fingers, getting a feel for it.
My husband has been working out of town a lot lately. This has been a fairly common thing for him with his job. Before we had kids it's why I got a dog! Before kids I thought about temptations he may be faced with. But they just fluttered around my mind and quickly moved on.
With kids, sometimes you can feel a bit more self conscious.
As you see so many celebrity couples cheating.
As you can find so many websites that allow you to cheat on your significant other( What the heck right?)
As you leave the t.v. on and commercials play with girls who have a seductive way about them when all it is, is just some hair shampoo.... really?
Now that I have two girls I can't believe how the idea of lust bombards you through commercials. Poisoning their little minds.
So as my husband was working out of town and they are usually going out to eat or getting a few beers, I don't worry about cheating. But should I? I mean look at our society today...
If I ever start to worry, I pray.
I trust in God who loves us. I pray for my husband and any temptation that may be taunting him.
So I got a text last week from my husband telling me how happy he is that we are still close and that he hears so many people who are not happy in their marriage or are single with kids and that our girls will grow up with both of us..
My reaction, Oh shit. What happened...
Than my oh so romantic text response is , Aww.. me too. It all comes back to Jesus though. I'm going to bed good night love you soooooooo much.
And that was that.
So when he gets home he tells me the details.This guy who is married complains about his marriage. They have been married 4 years. When the waitress is asking if they are married ( to my husband and this other man) this person replies, eh its an open relationship...
He also doesn't wear his ring. And his wife told him don't bring anything home.
What is this saying?
Why did you get married?
Today's society divorce is acceptable. Is this because we have just decided to give up?
Through Jesus we can really love. Love defends the heart.
"If the homeowner had known what time the theif was coming, he would have stayed alert and not let house be broken into." Matthew 24:43
Do we have unfair expectations on our spouses?
Marriage requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action.
Does it all seem like to much?
It is...
Unless you take it to Jesus.
Think of spring. How much we enjoy looking at the flowers, the beautiful colors we see popping up all over.
How many of us see a beautiful garden and think, "Boy those are some strong root systems." Yeah me either.
But if it wasn't for their attachment to a main life source and nutrients, the blooms would never have a chance to exist or open.
"Jesus described our relationship with him as being like branches attached to a vine. We depend on him. We can do nothing without him. If real, authentic, unconditional love is ever to flow from us, we must experience it flowing through us from Christ. "
We must stay connected to the vine... Think about what happens to those flowers when they don't.
This is why the love we have for our spouses can never reach its full flower until we are abiding in him through faith.
If your thinking about getting married, let me tell you, its work. It's not easy. But its like all things in life, the hard work pays off, and it's more rewarding and fulfilling than you can ever imagine.
I'm not divorcing my husband.
I am divorcing this new acceptance of giving up when something doesn't work anymore.
I'm committed to fixing something if it's broke.
Are you?
Now, don't get me wrong about divorce. Situations where someone is being harmed is different. Please do not think I'm saying if that is the case you should stay with that person.
Heck, I'm not telling you anything, just simply wondering why are so many people not staying married? :)
I pray for my daughters husbands a lot. Even more as I see my marriage change shape each year.
So today and forever let's stand up for our spouses and marriage. Let's understand how to make a marriage work and how to love like Jesus..
"Lord, keep us in your Love. Don't let us stray from you and do what you need to do to keep us from ruining our witness as your followers. Teach us to guard our hearts. In Jesus' name, amen."
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
My daughter ate my dog's poop, who just ate all of our Easter Cupcakes, and a few diapers, and this was a good day!
Well we are in full blown toddler and preschooler season here at the Boland Household. Mackenzie is really becoming her own person and exploring. I absolutely love this age. I loved it with Riley and I'm adoring it with Mackenzie, and cringing a bit knowing it goes so fast and soon she will be into full blown temper tantrums...
Riley can threw down a mean mean tantrum. Where I think, Good Lord help me, is there a demon in that child?
We are learning and getting better with it, but oh does it still rear its ugly head mostly when she is hungry or tired, go figure right?
I mean the things they tell you when you have a newborn baby is when it cries always try these three things first,
1. Is she hungry?
2. Does she have a dirty diaper?
3. Is she sleepy?
Or those are the things your are supposed to check first. I dont know for sure but you get the idea. Sometimes it is my daily workout to try those things on a screaming body throwing 3 year old... But hey H.A.L.T. is always in the back of my mind!!
So my husband has been working alot lately, late hours, weekends. Easter was his first day off in the last 2 weeks. So of course the girls and I have had some extra awesome time together...And dinner gets a bit tricky.. I have a one year old who is in and out of Ear infections, on a good day only needs her nose wiped once an hour instead of every 10 mins, coughs a couple times a day and sneezes only 10 times! ( slight exxageration? I wish!!! hehe)
Don't worry she has an appointment with an ENT specialist on Thursday.
Anyways back to the so called every day lives of me and my girls...
We are outside, can it really be this warm? Its funny how you forget how wonderful the sun feels on your bare skin.
So the girls are loving running outside and screaming and laughing. I am loving sitting down relaxing and feeling the sun and not having to ....
"MACKENZIE NO NO N O! My eyes are seriously popping out she has our dog's poop in her hands its going for her.......... IM running from the patio over as she looks up and sees my insanse face she drops the poop I run inside...
I washed her hands alot. and than alot agian.. and than a bit more.. and than to be sure I sanitized.
And I defintaly cringed the first time she ate something after this incident. Our dog just ate our entire beautiful display of Easter cupcakes and well eats about anything....
Will this really be relaxing? Why can't I just close my eyes for a couple minutes out here? Oh well I take the girls out and we try again.
I write a new to do list for myself when I go out side before I can sit down. It starts with
1. Pick up all Jakes Dog poop....
So I pick up the poop and plunk the girls down in the sand box. I lay down on their little tikes picnic table.
Ahh it feels great for about 10 seconds....
"Mommy, I'm a new kid, I'm Alice."
"Hi Alice. It's so nice of you to join us." ( As my eyes are still closed and Im smiling. I know just where we are headed)
"And who is this?" ( Riley points to her sister with a grin)
"Mackenzie."
"Oh Hi Mackenzie!"
"Mommy, I mean teacher, What are we going to learn today?"
And so it starts. One of the very first times I played pretend with Riley we were playing cash out. Just typical scanning customers at our registers, and I gave her the name, Alice. No reason NO idea where it came from and had no idea Alice would be such a frequent visitor!
There are days when I hear that first sentence I wrote above, and I sigh.. I sigh thinking ughhh I do NOT want to play this stupid game right now....I start to say Riley I.. .and I stop... I did that one time and I thought about it later and reflected on what she said,
"What are we going to learn today?"
There have been days where I have questioned why God has made me a mother. Days when exhaustion has beaten up my body so bad I can barely see outta my swollen eyes, and it's in those days that I am reminded what an extraordinary position I am in.
To teach these beautiful little girls...
Teach them...
So I have come to embrace Alice.
We can play for twenty minutes me as Mommy, Riley as Alice, Mackenzie as Mackenzie, and I will go to do something else and I see the little curly haired three footer staring at me,
"Riley you want something to eat?"
" IM NOT RILEY I'M ALICE!!" Almost on the verge of a meltdown!!
"Ohh ohh right Im so sorry you just look so much like my daughter I keep calling you her name. Alice do you want something to eat?"
Riley gets the biggest smile on her face and answers, 'Yes"
How do I get my Riley to come back?
I told her the one day when I kept calling her Riley and was ready to get the next part of the day moving, I said, "Oh Do I MISS my Riley."
She processed this.
And now when we exit this imaginary play she says,
"Do you want your Riley Roo back?"
Than I get the smile that she had on earlier and I say,
"Oh Yes I do."
She turns herself around and says,
"Hi Mommy, Im back! Did you miss me?"
Than we get some extra cuddle time!
So it is a tiring job, but does it get any more rewarding than that?
Isn't that such an awesome reminder that God is trusting us with these little beings? That it is our job to show them Gods love.Its such an adjustment to be constantly reminded that this season of life is not about us... and that is so hard in so many ways.. but as they grow and things like this take place, it certainly gets easier to remember who it is all about.
Heres my inspiration for you tonight
As They Are
When you are with your children
be one with them
Let every part of your body relax
and become as supple as your child's.
Allow all expectations and anxieties to melt away
so that you can see clearly.
Love them as they are
in this very moment,
without needing to change a thing.
When their lives are filled with trouble
allow events to unfold
without pushing or straining,
and you will understand clearly
what your role should be.
You nourish them without possessing them.
You guide them without controlling them.
You help them without worrying them.
- From the Parents Tao Te Ching!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
My extreme Couponing trip at Target, sweet deals on Food! I got $94.88 worth of groceries for $46.67!
Yesterday was my first time using many coupons at Target, and I must say it worked out pretty awesome..
I wanted to share with you some great deals on food this week at Target, usually I do all my grocery shopping at Tops and BJs but this week Target has it going on!
A nice coupon that came in the Target Ad is $10 off a $50 Food Purchase. You can also find it here. That is also before all your manufactures coupons!
So there I was at the checkout a cart full of items a handful of coupons and my phone and tablet ready to use for my mobile coupons and Cartwheel savings... My total was $94.88.
My out of pocket cost was $46.67
*(Note, I did get more items than what I listed here.. Everything I bought had a coupon but listed below are the SWEET deals.. )
I wanted to share with you some great deals on food this week at Target, usually I do all my grocery shopping at Tops and BJs but this week Target has it going on!
A nice coupon that came in the Target Ad is $10 off a $50 Food Purchase. You can also find it here. That is also before all your manufactures coupons!
So there I was at the checkout a cart full of items a handful of coupons and my phone and tablet ready to use for my mobile coupons and Cartwheel savings... My total was $94.88.
My out of pocket cost was $46.67
*(Note, I did get more items than what I listed here.. Everything I bought had a coupon but listed below are the SWEET deals.. )
- Market Pantry Eggs- on sale for $.99 use the Target mobile coupon to get them for $.50. (Text
- Market Pantry Vinegar. $.92 get it for $.42 by printing out the Target Coupon here
- Frosted Mini Wheats- on sale for $2.50 buy three and get them all for $.25 each by printing out a $3 off 3 Kelloggs cereal coupon here and
- using the 50% off Cartwheel savings.
- Wheat Thins on sale for $2.00 buy 2 and get them for $.63 each.
- Text SPRING to 82743 to get a $1 off one box.
- Text THANKS to 82743 to get a $.75/1 box and
- use the $1/2 from the newspaper insert 4/6.
- Or go to the Facebook page and print the $1/2 if you do not have the coupon from paper here
- Post Alpha Bits Cereal ( They have Super Why on Cover!) $2.49 get them for $.69
- Use the $1/1 Post Cereal Target coupon here and use the $1/1 Alpha Bits Cereal coupon here. ( If you cant find it change the zipcode to 77477 state Texas!)
- Nestle Chocolate Chips $2.29 get 2 for $1.53 each. Use the $.75/2 coupon from newspaper
- Use the 5% off Cartwheel discount
- Use the $.55/1 Target Coupon here
- Up and Up Food Pouches ( Mackenzie loves these!) $.89 each get them for $.65 each.
- Use the $1/4 Target Coupon here
- And use the 5% off Up and Up baby Cartwheel savings
There are a whole bunch of Target deals this week that are great. Here is a site that has even more Target Deals for ya! I would have posted all my purchases but believe it or not this is time consuming and I have to kiddos who need their breakfast!
God Bless!!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
It's too cold to do anything....but in the stillness I hear your voice call
Right now I have been alone for an hour an a half... it is amazing. The rest of my family is sound asleep! And I get to enjoy a beer and be crafty! ( I am working on my Leprachaun Live Trap Date, sound naughty? Oh it is! )
So here I am enjoying... a moment that does not come very often any more and I remember these moments in college. How much I loved seeing everyone and going to parties and hanging with Eric, but oh how much my soul needed the alone time...
I see my daughter needing time like this already at the age of three.. its precious and so important...
Time alone is so good to listen to God... it is in moments like this I can feel myself totally relax and have my mind open to what God may be trying to tell me...
Does that seem weird to you? God talking to me telling me something...
I can tell you this from experience that the more you wait and listen for his voice the easier it is to hear him...
The more you read about him and talk with him, and get to know him, you'll hear and feel him with you all the time..
Kinda sorta like your relationships here on earth, but man is the relationship you build with God so much deeper, meaningful, inspirational and life altering.
Why is it not easy to dive into the bible and get to know God? Or just pick it up and read it when you feel lost?
Sometimes I think we fear the answer we may see, or realize the love that is always there. Sometimes we create such a stir in our heads before we just get up and do it.
That seems to be the case more in the winter with everything..
Too much time and energy to get the kids bundled just to be outside 10 minutes..
Too cold to work out in the basement ( we say this all the time)
Too much work to get together with friends
Too much this or that..
But the truth is, when you are in a moment alone, where peace entraps your soul, you realize YOU HAVE THE TIME.. in that moment you have the time...
And as the cold bitter days pass by you realize you lost the time... that no matter what excuses you make time ticks.
And everything falls back on us, on each of our choices.
So don't be afraid to say too this or that to let your body rest, or your mind rest.
But don't let it become a habitat or get stuck in a rut. Because time will pass you by and you will wish you just got up and did it.
The farmers almanac is predicting a very hot summer... So don't let your excuses run into summer and a whole year has passed you by...
I struggle with this very thing right now.. wondering will I look back at this very stage of life, chaotic times of raising two young girls and wished I stayed home all the time? What will I wish I did differently? ( side note: My youngest daughter will be turning one this Saturday... its so fast...)
All we can do is start each day again, with a positive outlook, our arms stretched out to the one who created us and our families and friends and be reminded that his grace never fails. His love never stops. Together we can create joy.. together we can get up and do it...
I wont end with a scripture this time but a song that describes this moment perfectly! Youtube it!
By Jeremy Riddle, More than a friend
In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You
Chorus:
Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul
My heart longs to worship You my King
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You
So here I am enjoying... a moment that does not come very often any more and I remember these moments in college. How much I loved seeing everyone and going to parties and hanging with Eric, but oh how much my soul needed the alone time...
I see my daughter needing time like this already at the age of three.. its precious and so important...
Time alone is so good to listen to God... it is in moments like this I can feel myself totally relax and have my mind open to what God may be trying to tell me...
Does that seem weird to you? God talking to me telling me something...
I can tell you this from experience that the more you wait and listen for his voice the easier it is to hear him...
The more you read about him and talk with him, and get to know him, you'll hear and feel him with you all the time..
Kinda sorta like your relationships here on earth, but man is the relationship you build with God so much deeper, meaningful, inspirational and life altering.
Why is it not easy to dive into the bible and get to know God? Or just pick it up and read it when you feel lost?
Sometimes I think we fear the answer we may see, or realize the love that is always there. Sometimes we create such a stir in our heads before we just get up and do it.
That seems to be the case more in the winter with everything..
Too much time and energy to get the kids bundled just to be outside 10 minutes..
Too cold to work out in the basement ( we say this all the time)
Too much work to get together with friends
Too much this or that..
But the truth is, when you are in a moment alone, where peace entraps your soul, you realize YOU HAVE THE TIME.. in that moment you have the time...
And as the cold bitter days pass by you realize you lost the time... that no matter what excuses you make time ticks.
And everything falls back on us, on each of our choices.
So don't be afraid to say too this or that to let your body rest, or your mind rest.
But don't let it become a habitat or get stuck in a rut. Because time will pass you by and you will wish you just got up and did it.
The farmers almanac is predicting a very hot summer... So don't let your excuses run into summer and a whole year has passed you by...
I struggle with this very thing right now.. wondering will I look back at this very stage of life, chaotic times of raising two young girls and wished I stayed home all the time? What will I wish I did differently? ( side note: My youngest daughter will be turning one this Saturday... its so fast...)
All we can do is start each day again, with a positive outlook, our arms stretched out to the one who created us and our families and friends and be reminded that his grace never fails. His love never stops. Together we can create joy.. together we can get up and do it...
I wont end with a scripture this time but a song that describes this moment perfectly! Youtube it!
By Jeremy Riddle, More than a friend
In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You
Chorus:
Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul
My heart longs to worship You my King
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You
Monday, January 20, 2014
An update on the last few months of my life.. Believe
I guess you could say " My eyes have been opened, so I can see." In October my dearest friend was murdered. I found out when my parents were here visiting.... And today I thank God that he had him here with me....
Shock is an interesting experience.
I got in a car accident with Eric on our way back to NY from NC and I was in a tiny room and next to me I remember seeing the poster that said SHOCK and than had some description that seemed to put me more in "shock" Because I was in shock I couldnt remember my birthday! Heres a quick funny bit to that story...
In that room I had to go to the bathroom. They said that I could not get up and leave. I was begging them to let me get up and use the bathroom. The nurse comes in and says "here you can pee in this bucket right here in the bed."
MORTIFIED.. Seriously? I said to Eric I can't pee in this thing have my legs spread out and just pee what if someone walks in on me? That was my biggest fear.. someone walking in and seeing my uhh area!
I had to pee soo bad. I gave in.
And a male doctor walks in... I wanted to pass right out.. and in fact.. I did!!
Shock with a sudden death of a friend... puts you in a weird daze. A state of mind you never knew exisited.
When my parents left I broke down. I could barely handle being without them and than losing Jonathan became difficult.
I have been up and down and all over with emotions since October.
It's funny that I feel I hang out with Jonathan more now than we did in the last year... I can feel him with me on certain songs...certain situations.. and certain people that have come into my life.
And that helps....and some days it really hurts..
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Missing people though... I have done that since we started moving around when I was 12. I have made so many friends and have moved away from so many friends. Friends come and go in my life and to me thats the way it is.
Longing to see someone again... so I really thought I could handle death better...
Its not comparable.
But it does motivate you to get even more exited about heaven.. I truly can not wait to die!
Dont get me wrong, Im going to enjoy every moment here I can.. and try to please God in every way.. But Im so excited to go to heaven..
My mom is going to come visit me again.. In some ways I wanted to tell her no wait.. give it a few more months. I just accepted that Jonathan is dead a few weeks ago.
Just like that one night doing the dishes it was just a sudden realization..and I surprisingly felt a lot better.
So feeling like I have a bit of a handle on those emotions now my emotions start with my mom coming. And it takes every ounce of strength I have to have her come and than go....
Always missing people....
I am full of tears just thinking about it.
Which gets me to my long about way of inspiration for you today...
Believing. Believing that God is who God says he is.
Have you ever stopped and thought about that? God is who he says he is. That my friend is powerful.
Here's another powerful one for ya....
I am who God says I am....
We are free and so very loved in him. He has a glorious fruitful life planned for you.
" I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blame less. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.' Gen. 17:1-2
" I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.. I have indeed seen the misery of my people.. SO I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egytptians and to brign them up out of that land into a good and spacious land." (Exod. 3:6-8)
God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."
Have you ever been afraid to ask God for something? Pray to him about something where you fear the answer?
I have and am still working on it. But yet I still continue to pray about it. I am not fearing what the answer will be. I am trusting that God has an answer that will work far better than I can imagine.
Beth Moore said this, " Faith is never the denial of reality. It is belief in a greater reality. In other words, truth may be that you are presently surrounded by terrifying or terribly discouraging circumstances."
Our promised land is the place where Gods personalized promises over your life become a living reality rather than a theological theory.
Ephesians 1:18-20 says "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."
Ask God for something that you are scared of the answer to. He knew you before you were formed in your mothers womb. He has an incredible life planned out for you. You have to trust him and choose him. That's the thing.
We get to choose which way we will go. Every day. And every day we get another chance to choose him.
There is a big difference between trying to manipulate God to give us what we want and cooperating with God so he can give us what he wants. Our goal is the latter.
So go ahead. Ask God what you have hesitations about. The one thing that consumes your thoughts but you think it can only go one way. Ask him. Talk to him. And than most importantly wait for him and listen!
We serve such an amazing God. There are little miracles all around us everyday God is performing. He loves you to much to just settle. He is always with us!
" For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
My friends birthday... except he is not on this earth.
I have not wrote about Jonathan....not since he was murdered. Murdered. Can you believe it, one of my best friends, someone who I have some of the BEST memories with, was murdered, and the man who shot him, shot himself as well. A tragedy.
Today is his birthday. One day after my younger bro. Seths birthday. So I will always remember it. He would have been 31.
Shock enclosed my body for a few days. How could Jonathan not be here anymore?
It's been really hard. I miss him so much. The only other person close to me in my life who has left this world was my grandpa. I did not attend his funeral because we lived in Virginia and they lived in Wisconsin.
My best friends funeral was my first one. Never would have guessed that. But I suppose it is our last first time experience together... man... we had so many good times.
I met Jonathan in Canandaiuga at Finger Lakes Community College. And in no exaggeration, those were the best years of my life. And those years Jonathan Eric and I were inseperable. We were wild, young, and free. It took me 3 years just to get over missing Canandaigua and our times there... Many times Jonathan and I would agree and wish we could just relive those years..
I had not seen Jonathan in a whole year. Sure that doesn't seem too long when you are in the mood of having and raising babies, but when that person is gone, not here, a year seems like it is way more than 365 days...
About a week before Jonathan stood up to defend a girl and lost his life, I was thinking how we needed to get together he needed to meet Mackenzie....
You know if you are a parent of young kids, single people's lives just do not mesh. It was hard for us to get together..
I never took the time to call him...
Damn right.
But I have my guard up. I know there is a weakness for the devil to start to attack. I do not let him win. I rest in the fact that Jonathan and I were great friends and we loved each other dearly. I do not hesitate for a minute that he knows that.
2 days after I heard about Jonathan. He was in my head all day long. Making comments on my life, and joking with me. I am actually crying as I write this loving that he was with me, missing him right all over again. It makes you wonder about our spirits, watching over our loved ones.
In some ways his death opened my eyes to a life that can be so short and should never ever be taken for granted. He reminded me of who I am, that I am not just a mom. He reminded me of how much I love him and how he really was an amazing person in my life and also my husbands.
I am SO SO thankful for our memories we have. I am so thankful that he stood up in our wedding representing Eric and I. I am so thankful for his amazing family and knowing that he is with Jesus right now and how amazing it must be.
I am so thankful that Jesus tells me I will see him again. I am so thankful that I can feel Jonathan in so many things I do... but it's still hard. I am so glad that at the funeral his family shared stories to let us know that Jonathan and Jesus know each other.
Time heals wounds. That I know. So I am slow to my tears in knowing that it will pass and they will become less and that it is ok to be sad.
Today in honor of Jonathans birthday, we must drink. So I know that when my husband gets home we will drink... Its exactly what he would be doing, and he may even be doing in heaven.
I'll leave you with one of the many memories we share.
We were in Jonathans car man I can't even remember the kind it was, a bigger car that had some serious shocks going on. We were just getting back from a party and I think we ended up leaving cuz we were bored. We pulled into the driveway of a pool and spa business. Jonathan Eric and I look at eachother. We smile.
"Wanna go in?"
"In our clothes?"
"Hell yeah."
Alright in and than out.
We get the nerve to go in. We are all in this little display pool outside on the corner of an intersection, laughing, smiling, nervously looking out for cops.
"Oh Shit, cops, duck."
Yep we went under water.
We pop out laughing and run out into his car. Wait was this car his grandmas? Or his moms. We get in the car wet nervous Jonathan drives off fast, nervous, he drives off the driveway onto the gravel of some sort, and he is really upset about the rocks and dirt getting under the car, because I cant remember whose car it was but he knew they would not be happy about it.
I remember giving him such a hard time, "Oh stop live a little, it will be fine" I said. I know he is smiling right now saying, Yes you were right Tas. Im glad we did everything that we did together. I miss you and I can't wait to hang out with you again....
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Miss you so much....
Until we meet again...
Today is his birthday. One day after my younger bro. Seths birthday. So I will always remember it. He would have been 31.
Shock enclosed my body for a few days. How could Jonathan not be here anymore?
It's been really hard. I miss him so much. The only other person close to me in my life who has left this world was my grandpa. I did not attend his funeral because we lived in Virginia and they lived in Wisconsin.
My best friends funeral was my first one. Never would have guessed that. But I suppose it is our last first time experience together... man... we had so many good times.
I met Jonathan in Canandaiuga at Finger Lakes Community College. And in no exaggeration, those were the best years of my life. And those years Jonathan Eric and I were inseperable. We were wild, young, and free. It took me 3 years just to get over missing Canandaigua and our times there... Many times Jonathan and I would agree and wish we could just relive those years..
I had not seen Jonathan in a whole year. Sure that doesn't seem too long when you are in the mood of having and raising babies, but when that person is gone, not here, a year seems like it is way more than 365 days...
About a week before Jonathan stood up to defend a girl and lost his life, I was thinking how we needed to get together he needed to meet Mackenzie....
You know if you are a parent of young kids, single people's lives just do not mesh. It was hard for us to get together..
I never took the time to call him...
Damn right.
But I have my guard up. I know there is a weakness for the devil to start to attack. I do not let him win. I rest in the fact that Jonathan and I were great friends and we loved each other dearly. I do not hesitate for a minute that he knows that.
2 days after I heard about Jonathan. He was in my head all day long. Making comments on my life, and joking with me. I am actually crying as I write this loving that he was with me, missing him right all over again. It makes you wonder about our spirits, watching over our loved ones.
In some ways his death opened my eyes to a life that can be so short and should never ever be taken for granted. He reminded me of who I am, that I am not just a mom. He reminded me of how much I love him and how he really was an amazing person in my life and also my husbands.
I am SO SO thankful for our memories we have. I am so thankful that he stood up in our wedding representing Eric and I. I am so thankful for his amazing family and knowing that he is with Jesus right now and how amazing it must be.
I am so thankful that Jesus tells me I will see him again. I am so thankful that I can feel Jonathan in so many things I do... but it's still hard. I am so glad that at the funeral his family shared stories to let us know that Jonathan and Jesus know each other.
Time heals wounds. That I know. So I am slow to my tears in knowing that it will pass and they will become less and that it is ok to be sad.
Today in honor of Jonathans birthday, we must drink. So I know that when my husband gets home we will drink... Its exactly what he would be doing, and he may even be doing in heaven.
I'll leave you with one of the many memories we share.
We were in Jonathans car man I can't even remember the kind it was, a bigger car that had some serious shocks going on. We were just getting back from a party and I think we ended up leaving cuz we were bored. We pulled into the driveway of a pool and spa business. Jonathan Eric and I look at eachother. We smile.
"Wanna go in?"
"In our clothes?"
"Hell yeah."
Alright in and than out.
We get the nerve to go in. We are all in this little display pool outside on the corner of an intersection, laughing, smiling, nervously looking out for cops.
"Oh Shit, cops, duck."
Yep we went under water.
We pop out laughing and run out into his car. Wait was this car his grandmas? Or his moms. We get in the car wet nervous Jonathan drives off fast, nervous, he drives off the driveway onto the gravel of some sort, and he is really upset about the rocks and dirt getting under the car, because I cant remember whose car it was but he knew they would not be happy about it.
I remember giving him such a hard time, "Oh stop live a little, it will be fine" I said. I know he is smiling right now saying, Yes you were right Tas. Im glad we did everything that we did together. I miss you and I can't wait to hang out with you again....
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Miss you so much....
Until we meet again...
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
It's been rough.
It's been rough. I have had highs and lows.
I have felt far and near from you.
And in this moment, all I want is to feel your comfort wrapped around me. For I do not know how I will take my next step without your guidance. When all else fails around me, I need my soul to rest in your embrace. Like the song says,
"For I am yours, and you are mine. "
Some mornings I wake up and say, " Again, I have to do this all over again?" Hiding under the blankets is just not an option.
Some mornings I wake up to two little feet thump thump thump thump, and nothing but a big smile fills my entire body.
Some mornings I am awake, from the numerous times of being awake caring and tending and slowing my anger of getting no sleep, to just laying in my bed, wondering will my life lead to more?
And in all these moments, I am reminded "Let my faith be made stronger. Let me walk upon the waters"
Wher eever you would call me.
Some mornings I wake up and roll over and see the empty side of my bed, where its still slightly warm from my husbands presence. I sigh thinking when is the last time we cuddled in this bed? When is the last time we just looked at each other and said I love you without saying I love you.
Some mornings I open my eyes so fast and shoot my body straight up and grab my chest from the pain of a nightmare, a dream that slips over into reality, one where my brother needs me, he is weak and is crying out. But none of us can do anything in that moment, except for fall down on our knees and pray.
That same dream I see my Mom with me and the girls getting a pedicure, but only my mom was a very old lady, and I think, How did time pass us by so fast?
Then the pain in my chest reminds me of our physical distance, and those mornings I lay in bed and do not want to get out.
So in this stage of life right now, it is so challenging, and exhausting. There are moments that are etched in your heart and fill you with so much joy, and there are days where your tears fill your kitchen sink faster than your dishes.
I don't have any advice on how to really get through it, except for pray. Get down on your knees and surrender all your feelings to God. Get off Facebook seeing everyone who only posts the best moments in their life, because real life isn't a perfect picture. Raising kids isn't glorious every moment. We all struggle and we all succeed. There is only one who knows you so well, who designed and created your children for you, to you he gave these gifts. He believes in your efforts, your parenting. He loves you and wants you to seek him when you feel beat down and he will comfort you and love you endlessly. And through that love you will get back up on your feet and carry on.
It will get better. :)
Yes I am saying all this to myself as well!
Together in Christ, we will succeed!
" I am with you and will watch over you wherever you may go." Genesis 28:15
I have felt far and near from you.
And in this moment, all I want is to feel your comfort wrapped around me. For I do not know how I will take my next step without your guidance. When all else fails around me, I need my soul to rest in your embrace. Like the song says,
"For I am yours, and you are mine. "
Some mornings I wake up and say, " Again, I have to do this all over again?" Hiding under the blankets is just not an option.
Some mornings I wake up to two little feet thump thump thump thump, and nothing but a big smile fills my entire body.
Some mornings I am awake, from the numerous times of being awake caring and tending and slowing my anger of getting no sleep, to just laying in my bed, wondering will my life lead to more?
And in all these moments, I am reminded "Let my faith be made stronger. Let me walk upon the waters"
Wher eever you would call me.
Some mornings I wake up and roll over and see the empty side of my bed, where its still slightly warm from my husbands presence. I sigh thinking when is the last time we cuddled in this bed? When is the last time we just looked at each other and said I love you without saying I love you.
Some mornings I open my eyes so fast and shoot my body straight up and grab my chest from the pain of a nightmare, a dream that slips over into reality, one where my brother needs me, he is weak and is crying out. But none of us can do anything in that moment, except for fall down on our knees and pray.
That same dream I see my Mom with me and the girls getting a pedicure, but only my mom was a very old lady, and I think, How did time pass us by so fast?
Then the pain in my chest reminds me of our physical distance, and those mornings I lay in bed and do not want to get out.
So in this stage of life right now, it is so challenging, and exhausting. There are moments that are etched in your heart and fill you with so much joy, and there are days where your tears fill your kitchen sink faster than your dishes.
I don't have any advice on how to really get through it, except for pray. Get down on your knees and surrender all your feelings to God. Get off Facebook seeing everyone who only posts the best moments in their life, because real life isn't a perfect picture. Raising kids isn't glorious every moment. We all struggle and we all succeed. There is only one who knows you so well, who designed and created your children for you, to you he gave these gifts. He believes in your efforts, your parenting. He loves you and wants you to seek him when you feel beat down and he will comfort you and love you endlessly. And through that love you will get back up on your feet and carry on.
It will get better. :)
Yes I am saying all this to myself as well!
Together in Christ, we will succeed!
" I am with you and will watch over you wherever you may go." Genesis 28:15
Thursday, August 22, 2013
My brother still fights..
It is truly amazing to think about the fact that I have two daughters and imagine the bond we will continue to deepen. All ready my girls are my world. But lately, I have been missing my mom so much it puts me in a fog. Really it's missing my family too, my dad, and my brothers.
When my first daughter was born my brother was extremely ill. I flew to North Carolina every couple months that first year. I took her on the plane for the first time when she was 2 months old and just two days before we left, she had a very congested lung and I had to bring a nebulizer with me. The nurse scared the crap out of me telling me if it gets worse take her to the ER right away..
I contemplated if I should go or not. But when I thought about my brother and what was happening to him the answer was obvious, Go.
Two and a half years it has been since my brother has been sick. I can't even say since he was diagnosed, because he is a "medical mystery".
It was the hardest year of my life. Looking back having a first baby was probably not as bad as I remember because I was so stressed from being away from my family with this medical crisis and not being able to do anything for any of them, especially Taylor.
We went down to the scariest point, slowly surfing back to the top, wondering if he would live to see another day.
Spirtually, my relationship with Jesus was on fire. I felt so close to him. I could feel him with me in every moment hear him and I stopped. Believed in an end to all the pain and suffering he was living with.
Now Taylor is at home, eating, and slowly doing better. Eating.. he couldn't eat for so long. What a daily thing we take for granted. The taste of food, the choice. Just think so many of us get to chose whatever we want to eat.
Things haven't been so shaky for at least 10 months. Of course there have always been a few here and theres to the hospital. But after that first year much improvement.
And then my relationship with God seemed to dwindle a bit. Then I started to yearn for him everyday. When I didn't have any control over my brothers illness or my parents heartache, all I could do was pray.
It is amazing how just spending time talking with God every day changes everything in your view.
Now Taylor has to have another surgery. It looks like whatever this disease is, which they say it is resembling more Chron's but they really have no idea, is attacking him again.
He is 24 years old. He inspires me. He has shown such strength through all of this, so much I can feel my eyes well up with astonishment and sadness.
Again it is so hard not being close to my family, wishing I could just pack up my life here and go there. The one thing I can do right now in this moment, is pray. Continue to be with God and feel comfort, encouragement, be reminded of those around me who are a blessing in my life, little reminders from God that he is here with us in everything that we do.
I will not fear the storm, my help is on the way. I know that if we ask he will be there, and that even in times when we forget to ask, he is still there. It's when we open ourselves up that we feel him present in our life. Hearing things we may not wanted to hear, or seeing opportunities we may not have known existed.
When my first daughter was born my brother was extremely ill. I flew to North Carolina every couple months that first year. I took her on the plane for the first time when she was 2 months old and just two days before we left, she had a very congested lung and I had to bring a nebulizer with me. The nurse scared the crap out of me telling me if it gets worse take her to the ER right away..
I contemplated if I should go or not. But when I thought about my brother and what was happening to him the answer was obvious, Go.
Two and a half years it has been since my brother has been sick. I can't even say since he was diagnosed, because he is a "medical mystery".
It was the hardest year of my life. Looking back having a first baby was probably not as bad as I remember because I was so stressed from being away from my family with this medical crisis and not being able to do anything for any of them, especially Taylor.
We went down to the scariest point, slowly surfing back to the top, wondering if he would live to see another day.
Spirtually, my relationship with Jesus was on fire. I felt so close to him. I could feel him with me in every moment hear him and I stopped. Believed in an end to all the pain and suffering he was living with.
Now Taylor is at home, eating, and slowly doing better. Eating.. he couldn't eat for so long. What a daily thing we take for granted. The taste of food, the choice. Just think so many of us get to chose whatever we want to eat.
Things haven't been so shaky for at least 10 months. Of course there have always been a few here and theres to the hospital. But after that first year much improvement.
And then my relationship with God seemed to dwindle a bit. Then I started to yearn for him everyday. When I didn't have any control over my brothers illness or my parents heartache, all I could do was pray.
It is amazing how just spending time talking with God every day changes everything in your view.
Now Taylor has to have another surgery. It looks like whatever this disease is, which they say it is resembling more Chron's but they really have no idea, is attacking him again.
He is 24 years old. He inspires me. He has shown such strength through all of this, so much I can feel my eyes well up with astonishment and sadness.
Again it is so hard not being close to my family, wishing I could just pack up my life here and go there. The one thing I can do right now in this moment, is pray. Continue to be with God and feel comfort, encouragement, be reminded of those around me who are a blessing in my life, little reminders from God that he is here with us in everything that we do.
I will not fear the storm, my help is on the way. I know that if we ask he will be there, and that even in times when we forget to ask, he is still there. It's when we open ourselves up that we feel him present in our life. Hearing things we may not wanted to hear, or seeing opportunities we may not have known existed.
"Helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God
with greater effect than all your uttered pleas." Ole Hallesby
Friday, June 21, 2013
It's our 5th anniversary and I get the look, " We are exchanging gifts?"
So I celebrated my fifth wedding anniversary what a week ago now, and it was nice because my husband had been outta town for a couple weeks and he came home early Fri. morning. Just having him home felt like a weight was lifted. He sees his present Riley and I wrapped for him and it was still sitting in her room, his expression is hilarious to me now, cuz it was OH SHIT, she got me something.
He did not have to say a word.
I knew right then and there he didn't get me anything, for our anniversary. AND he had all week to shop without ANY kids.....
For a second I wanted to start crying, the selfish thoughts came flooding through, " I was with the girls all week, I had to do everything around here, inside chores outside chores and still do everything for Habitat..." Then I stopped when I saw the joy on Rileys face with all of us together and in that moment I prayed and let it go.... who cares.... I kept reminding myself that later that evening we were going on a date!!
It has been several weeks since we did that.
So we go on our date. It was four wheeling on the trails behind our house. And it was my idea... It was SO MUCH fun. I loved it. Going 30 mphs on the quad took me right back to college and riding Erics motorcycle with him... We both enjoyed it and I felt like a kid again that wild sorta free feeling.
We got all muddy and found a huge spot where it was like a foot deep of water... Yeah we both took turns driving through that! It was a great night.
The next morning there it was... The devil doing his finest, trying to steal my joy. "YOUR HUSBAND DIDN"T GET YOU A PRESENT!" and you can imagine the other jabs that were thrown at me.
All weekend long I was being taunted with this. I have ass-ed gave it to God. And the devil is sneaky. I started justifying that fine, he didn't get me anything I will go out and buy something luxerious. ( which if you know me.. I need a deal and time to research to find a deal and get a quality product) But I was using the Im just gonna go out and impulse buy something... Like a big new area rug for the living room..... But after a few days of that my heart didn't feel so clear, it was clouding up.
Then I let it slip one time, in a joking way that justified me saying it, " Well since you didn't get me anything for our anniversary....." It felt wrong as soon as it came out..
I finally said enough is enough. I am not going to attack my husband and do this over a material thing. I spent some time in the word. I spent some time listening to nature and giving it to God. Truly surrendering those feelings and reflecting on the great relationship my husband and I have. I focused on all the good things. All the things he does around this house and what an awesome helper he is. How nine years ago today he walked into my dorm room and became everything to me.
He always spends time with the girls after a long day at work. He will always ask when I am making dinner if I need anything. He includes the girls in what he is doing he is always there involved in their daily things, as well as mine.
I didn't buy anything.
I don't need anything.
I truly have all that I need.
Of course I don't have the things I want.... but wanting is such a waste of time.
And the only way to cure a want is to focus on what you have and give everything you can.
I need God, I need his word. I need my husband. I need to love.
And now we are growing closer together and we grow closer to God by doing daily devotions from the Love Dare devotions ( which the last message at church kick started this into gear for us!) and I am excited for how this new time spent together will shape our hearts for others and one another.
So it's been a week and I laugh that my husband didn't get me a present and I am happy that I don't need to give in to society on the "norms" and that I can give it to God and not be tempted with holding onto something so materialistic against my husband.
And why shall I do this? Because love is the key. Genuine love is a master at reconciliations. When love takes over, it compels us to humbly apologize and take full responsibility for our failures and fully forgive where our spouse has failed us over and over again.
Coriinthians 13:13
He did not have to say a word.
I knew right then and there he didn't get me anything, for our anniversary. AND he had all week to shop without ANY kids.....
For a second I wanted to start crying, the selfish thoughts came flooding through, " I was with the girls all week, I had to do everything around here, inside chores outside chores and still do everything for Habitat..." Then I stopped when I saw the joy on Rileys face with all of us together and in that moment I prayed and let it go.... who cares.... I kept reminding myself that later that evening we were going on a date!!
It has been several weeks since we did that.
So we go on our date. It was four wheeling on the trails behind our house. And it was my idea... It was SO MUCH fun. I loved it. Going 30 mphs on the quad took me right back to college and riding Erics motorcycle with him... We both enjoyed it and I felt like a kid again that wild sorta free feeling.
We got all muddy and found a huge spot where it was like a foot deep of water... Yeah we both took turns driving through that! It was a great night.
The next morning there it was... The devil doing his finest, trying to steal my joy. "YOUR HUSBAND DIDN"T GET YOU A PRESENT!" and you can imagine the other jabs that were thrown at me.
All weekend long I was being taunted with this. I have ass-ed gave it to God. And the devil is sneaky. I started justifying that fine, he didn't get me anything I will go out and buy something luxerious. ( which if you know me.. I need a deal and time to research to find a deal and get a quality product) But I was using the Im just gonna go out and impulse buy something... Like a big new area rug for the living room..... But after a few days of that my heart didn't feel so clear, it was clouding up.
Then I let it slip one time, in a joking way that justified me saying it, " Well since you didn't get me anything for our anniversary....." It felt wrong as soon as it came out..
I finally said enough is enough. I am not going to attack my husband and do this over a material thing. I spent some time in the word. I spent some time listening to nature and giving it to God. Truly surrendering those feelings and reflecting on the great relationship my husband and I have. I focused on all the good things. All the things he does around this house and what an awesome helper he is. How nine years ago today he walked into my dorm room and became everything to me.
He always spends time with the girls after a long day at work. He will always ask when I am making dinner if I need anything. He includes the girls in what he is doing he is always there involved in their daily things, as well as mine.
I didn't buy anything.
I don't need anything.
I truly have all that I need.
Of course I don't have the things I want.... but wanting is such a waste of time.
And the only way to cure a want is to focus on what you have and give everything you can.
I need God, I need his word. I need my husband. I need to love.
And now we are growing closer together and we grow closer to God by doing daily devotions from the Love Dare devotions ( which the last message at church kick started this into gear for us!) and I am excited for how this new time spent together will shape our hearts for others and one another.
So it's been a week and I laugh that my husband didn't get me a present and I am happy that I don't need to give in to society on the "norms" and that I can give it to God and not be tempted with holding onto something so materialistic against my husband.
And why shall I do this? Because love is the key. Genuine love is a master at reconciliations. When love takes over, it compels us to humbly apologize and take full responsibility for our failures and fully forgive where our spouse has failed us over and over again.
Coriinthians 13:13
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Let the good times roll!!!
Well today has been a day of complete and utter...... DITZYNESS... Yeah Ms. Ditzy.....
The morning started bright and early.. I set my alarm for 5:30a so I could enjoy one cup of coffee and spend some time with God...
My alarm went off. I hit snooze.
My alarm went off and I heard, "MOMMYYYY I'm awake, let's make some coffee."
I smile and think so much for getting up early. (Like I was gonna get up early anyways ha!)
And the I need this I want that, Can we do this, Lets go here begins...
My little Mackenzie didn't wake up til 7:30a so this was a great morning. Riley got her mommy attention and I got to focus on one...
I made some great progress at work today...
At the office went fine except for the as soon as I put Mackenzie in the sling she pukes everywhere...
So I head over to the Habitat Center for work. I go to change Kenzies diaper in the car. I lock my keys in there...
So thankful Pj our construction manager let me use his truck to go home and get my spare. So that wasn't so bad. While he watched Mackenzie another blessing!
Then I head over to Tops to get cash for babysitter for Riley. I put my water bottle on the hood of my car you know where your wipers are...
Never took it off.
I go to Tops..
I already had to use my raincheck from last week for my Kashi Cereal. Then I realize the girl didn't write that you get an instant $5 off. So she had to spend 10 mins verifying that....
Then I get a phone call from a volunteer... So Im all in the conversation. I remember to get cash back.... But I just don't remember to grab the cash.
50 bucks left sitting in the self check out dish thing.
I go home to grab something that (right now my mind is crazy I have no idea) and then I remember..
THE CASH... I drive back to Tops ask the cashier at u scan.
She says "oh that was your cash? yeah a guy grabbed it." She said hang on. I felt sooo relieved someone gave it back..
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Then she says to me I have to call themanager. I ask her why what is the situation?
She said the guy after me came up and she thought it was his cash so she said, "Sir your cash." He grabbed it and walked out.
So my great deal of Kashi cereal being a buck... not so much!
Thank God my husband is picking up his truck today.... That will lighten the mood!
So two things I am reminding myself today about this.
1. I could have locked Mackenzie in the car. I did not. A Win!
2. The man who grabbed my cash may have just needed it more than me. Maybe he needs it for a bill or has kids... :)
3. I am so thankful for my husband who works so hard that I was able to take out another $50 and this didn't ruin our whole budget...
4. Things could have been much much worse
But.....
We do still have to drive out to Bergen to pick up his truck... There is much more to this day!
And in it I am reminded that life happens. Even when you are a christian and trust in God. Believing in him doesn't shield you from our world, the choices and actions of others... But it's in these times that he can give us the feelings of peace, comfort and knowing he is with us.
No worries. That is what I love most about knowing God. He will take care of us.
" Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble of be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!- Joshua 1:9
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
The morning started bright and early.. I set my alarm for 5:30a so I could enjoy one cup of coffee and spend some time with God...
My alarm went off. I hit snooze.
My alarm went off and I heard, "MOMMYYYY I'm awake, let's make some coffee."
I smile and think so much for getting up early. (Like I was gonna get up early anyways ha!)
And the I need this I want that, Can we do this, Lets go here begins...
My little Mackenzie didn't wake up til 7:30a so this was a great morning. Riley got her mommy attention and I got to focus on one...
I made some great progress at work today...
At the office went fine except for the as soon as I put Mackenzie in the sling she pukes everywhere...
So I head over to the Habitat Center for work. I go to change Kenzies diaper in the car. I lock my keys in there...
So thankful Pj our construction manager let me use his truck to go home and get my spare. So that wasn't so bad. While he watched Mackenzie another blessing!
Then I head over to Tops to get cash for babysitter for Riley. I put my water bottle on the hood of my car you know where your wipers are...
Never took it off.
I go to Tops..
I already had to use my raincheck from last week for my Kashi Cereal. Then I realize the girl didn't write that you get an instant $5 off. So she had to spend 10 mins verifying that....
Then I get a phone call from a volunteer... So Im all in the conversation. I remember to get cash back.... But I just don't remember to grab the cash.
50 bucks left sitting in the self check out dish thing.
I go home to grab something that (right now my mind is crazy I have no idea) and then I remember..
THE CASH... I drive back to Tops ask the cashier at u scan.
She says "oh that was your cash? yeah a guy grabbed it." She said hang on. I felt sooo relieved someone gave it back..
Then she says to me I have to call themanager. I ask her why what is the situation?
She said the guy after me came up and she thought it was his cash so she said, "Sir your cash." He grabbed it and walked out.
So my great deal of Kashi cereal being a buck... not so much!
Thank God my husband is picking up his truck today.... That will lighten the mood!
So two things I am reminding myself today about this.
1. I could have locked Mackenzie in the car. I did not. A Win!
2. The man who grabbed my cash may have just needed it more than me. Maybe he needs it for a bill or has kids... :)
3. I am so thankful for my husband who works so hard that I was able to take out another $50 and this didn't ruin our whole budget...
4. Things could have been much much worse
But.....
We do still have to drive out to Bergen to pick up his truck... There is much more to this day!
And in it I am reminded that life happens. Even when you are a christian and trust in God. Believing in him doesn't shield you from our world, the choices and actions of others... But it's in these times that he can give us the feelings of peace, comfort and knowing he is with us.
No worries. That is what I love most about knowing God. He will take care of us.
" Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble of be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!- Joshua 1:9
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Today was a moment with Spring.....snakes..snakes...and snakes.
Alrighty, owning a home I have learned each spring to accept the acts of nature and carry on about my day..
Today, it has been a struggle. I am writing this still in shock.
This morning starts out great, because at 8:30a it was FIFTY, that means a warm day is coming and after a long winter, nothing can make you want to be inside, except for snakes.
Last year on our trail I got to the point where I would see snakes slithering away and didn't do my very girly something like this scream, " AHHUUGHHHHSHHHH.... SHIT!"
For the sake of my daughter I try to stay calm... now its just a " UGHHHH" whooo...
Today, it has been a struggle. I am writing this still in shock.
This morning starts out great, because at 8:30a it was FIFTY, that means a warm day is coming and after a long winter, nothing can make you want to be inside, except for snakes.
Last year on our trail I got to the point where I would see snakes slithering away and didn't do my very girly something like this scream, " AHHUUGHHHHSHHHH.... SHIT!"
For the sake of my daughter I try to stay calm... now its just a " UGHHHH" whooo...
Thursday, April 25, 2013
The day the weather and the poop dripping from our kitchen matched my mood.
So most of you know that my parents live in North Carolina and well it SUCKS. Before I had my first daughter I said that I would not get pregnant until I lived by my mom... Well some major life changes came about and I put that thought on the back burner and what do you know I was pregnant!
Now I have another daughter and my mom and I are still not together.
Sure I spent days trying to think if this was a punishment for the horrible 17 year old I was when we lived in Vermont... And really I was horrible.. made such terrible choices...
I thought was this her punishment for something?
But after I got over my anger and accepted the fact we are not living closer.... I let God speak to me about it and shape my heart a little bit more and realized that this is not a punishment.
Now I have to enjoy our moments together and hold on to them so dang tight for when we are not together.
Ok so to my poop in my kitchen.
I woke up on the last day my parents were visiting us. Laying in bed already feeling like I was going to burst into tears. But yet so excited that my parents were here with me. They got to see my house see what I like to do and see all the little every day moments.
We drank our coffee and talked like we always had but the air was different. The dark clouds started rollling in and I couldn't help but let that totally take over my mood too. We didn't plan anything for the last day, and we could barely talk after we enjoyed the morning together. The sadness was just getting too heavy.
So we went to the Chinese Buffet. Well that was supposed to be a great time, but Riley was acting out once again, and of course throwing a fit in the bathroom stall which was totally disgusting and I wanted to throw up and scream from all of it. So instead I grabbed the stroller with Kenzie in it had Riley on my hip and looked at my mom with the Im so pissed off and tired I just want to stop, and said we will be outside.
I had to have a talk with Riley and have her stand in one spot outside until her grandparents came. It was a good cool down but not how I wanted to enjoy my last lunch with my family.
Then we get home and get ready to head to the airport. Its my husbands birthday and poor guy I'm in such a sad mood. Thank goodness we had a date night the other night to celebrate. Well.. we come inside and see water dripping from the kitchen ceiling. Eric comes home and punches in the square that took shape with water dripping...... PEEE AND POOP WATER pour down everywhere.... the ceiling was holding who knows how much water.... The smell is bad.... really bad..
I say Happy Birthday!!!
The next day Eric opens up the pipe and the smell of shit is way more than I can bare. I'm still depressed that my parents left.. and had to watch the girls all night again cuz he was working on the pipe. And the fact that he works alot of late nights over time and out of town... but anyways besides the point or is it? ( a whole other post!) The smell is so bad we are stuck in our spare bedroom downstairs.... The worst smell.
The next morning Riley pooped in her diaper... and it was everywhere... It was not fun changing a two year olds poppy diaper she has not pooped in a diaper in so long... I could barely handle it. I just prayed that No one would do a surprise visit to our smelly home.
That night Riley got a stomach bug and was up all night puking...
I have Riley in bed with me my arm wrapped around her and Kenzie in bed on the other side and instead of crying from everything. I laugh and say my two girls..... Then I ask God... when is my break??
I think his response would be a big smile bit of a chuckle and say.. My dear child there is no break...... but I will give you rest!!!
Now I have another daughter and my mom and I are still not together.
Sure I spent days trying to think if this was a punishment for the horrible 17 year old I was when we lived in Vermont... And really I was horrible.. made such terrible choices...
I thought was this her punishment for something?
But after I got over my anger and accepted the fact we are not living closer.... I let God speak to me about it and shape my heart a little bit more and realized that this is not a punishment.
Now I have to enjoy our moments together and hold on to them so dang tight for when we are not together.
Ok so to my poop in my kitchen.
I woke up on the last day my parents were visiting us. Laying in bed already feeling like I was going to burst into tears. But yet so excited that my parents were here with me. They got to see my house see what I like to do and see all the little every day moments.
We drank our coffee and talked like we always had but the air was different. The dark clouds started rollling in and I couldn't help but let that totally take over my mood too. We didn't plan anything for the last day, and we could barely talk after we enjoyed the morning together. The sadness was just getting too heavy.
So we went to the Chinese Buffet. Well that was supposed to be a great time, but Riley was acting out once again, and of course throwing a fit in the bathroom stall which was totally disgusting and I wanted to throw up and scream from all of it. So instead I grabbed the stroller with Kenzie in it had Riley on my hip and looked at my mom with the Im so pissed off and tired I just want to stop, and said we will be outside.
I had to have a talk with Riley and have her stand in one spot outside until her grandparents came. It was a good cool down but not how I wanted to enjoy my last lunch with my family.
Then we get home and get ready to head to the airport. Its my husbands birthday and poor guy I'm in such a sad mood. Thank goodness we had a date night the other night to celebrate. Well.. we come inside and see water dripping from the kitchen ceiling. Eric comes home and punches in the square that took shape with water dripping...... PEEE AND POOP WATER pour down everywhere.... the ceiling was holding who knows how much water.... The smell is bad.... really bad..
I say Happy Birthday!!!
The next day Eric opens up the pipe and the smell of shit is way more than I can bare. I'm still depressed that my parents left.. and had to watch the girls all night again cuz he was working on the pipe. And the fact that he works alot of late nights over time and out of town... but anyways besides the point or is it? ( a whole other post!) The smell is so bad we are stuck in our spare bedroom downstairs.... The worst smell.
The next morning Riley pooped in her diaper... and it was everywhere... It was not fun changing a two year olds poppy diaper she has not pooped in a diaper in so long... I could barely handle it. I just prayed that No one would do a surprise visit to our smelly home.
That night Riley got a stomach bug and was up all night puking...
I have Riley in bed with me my arm wrapped around her and Kenzie in bed on the other side and instead of crying from everything. I laugh and say my two girls..... Then I ask God... when is my break??
I think his response would be a big smile bit of a chuckle and say.. My dear child there is no break...... but I will give you rest!!!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Greek yogurt $.30/cup, Granola bars $.67/box and canned tomatoes $.47/can
My total for the yogurt picture was $4.80 and the Granola Bars $11.60. You can find out how to get these great deals at the web site www.wnydealsandtodos.com
I want to add that I also had 2 Buy One get one free coupons from the Sunday paper for the Yopa Yogurt and I had a dollar off your next order from the Planters Peanut deal last week.
Are you couponing yet?? :)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
So it's Valentine's day.........
So it's Valentine's Day.....
Today it means something different than it has any other time. It's different because first of all its on a weekday, which means by the time Eric and I are together it's 8p. and I am exhausted from being 9 months pregnant and really just wanna sit on the couch eat my cereal and zone out to whatever may be on.
The weekend we can plan for a date night, but then I think do we really want to spend money? But then I think this is a great excuse for a date night and could very well be the last one for awhile with a baby on the way.
But then it's also not just another day. It's a day there are a bouquet of flowers on the table, and presents left this morning for Riley and I. A day where I get to be sappy and write my heart out to my husband.
So yes, Valentines day has changed and continues to change every year but the one thing it always does is remind me to make it a priority to love. And especially love my husband, who gets put on the back burner do to the demands of a job, toddler, and pregnancy among many other things.
Valentine's day started for me back in elementary school spending days thinking about which valentine card I would give to my crushes.... I had to sign my name different, pick a card that said more then a basic Happy Valentines day, and make sure I didn't give a boy a valentine card that made him think I may "like" him.
Then receiving the Valentines cards took up even more days of analyzing. Did he really mean "Valentine you are so sweet!" or "Be mine?"
Desperate at such a young age for love? When you know today those boys most likely didn't think twice about grabbing out a card and signing their name, because their mom or dad told them it had to get done.... Thank goodness little girls don't realize that.... right?
My dad became my excitement on Valentine's day. He would always get me and my mom something special. When I started school he would always have something special sent to
me at school. I loved it. The fact that I would get flowers or candy left on my desk while no one else did had me glowing.
I'm really excited that Eric has started this with Riley and I know our girls will look forward to it just as much as I did.
Eric and I are celebrating our 9th Valentine's together... Well I wouldn't go as far as saying celebrating I guess. But loving one another will work!!! :)
I remember our second Valentines together.... He did my room all up with red and white streamers and balloons and got me a Teddy bear ( That riley now loves of course!) And an awesome ring that had both of our birth stones in... Super sweet and amazing..... Super horrible that I lost that ring 3 years ago ( this is why I do not own expensive jewlery!!)
Valentine's was so exciting because it always seemed like the time you could really let someone know how crazy you are about them without any risk in a way. Marriage before kids had its challenges but marriage with kids brings so many challenges in so many different ways, the only way to get through it is by love.
Sometimes I look back at those beginning Valentine's Days and wonder is it about love or lust? Our world gets that confused so much. Love is utterly unselfish. This kind of love is unnatural for us. It is impossible to have this love unless God helps us
aside our own natural desires so that we can love and not expect anything in return. The more we become like Christ, the more love we will show to others.
I remember my dad saying when we first got married drawing a little diagram of eric and I at the bottom and two lines going up to God. Describing that we have to grow closer to God in order to grow closer to each other. It was such a awesome feeling when Eric reminded me of that a year or so ago.
Since having Riley we have both grown closer to God and learn every day about what it meas to love.
Marriage shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self- centerdness through the help of a lifelong partner
If we are teachable we will learn to do the one thing most important in life- to love.
I will end with a great devotional from the Love Dare.
No matter who you are or what you do,it comes down to whether you'll live a life of love or not. And there is a vast difference between the two. One is priceless and one meaningless.
Love is the most important ingredient to any meaningful relationship. Your quality of life is directly tied to the amount of love flowing in you and through you to otehers. Though its often overlooked, love is infinitely more valuable than riches, fame, or honor. They will pass away, but love remains. You can be fulfilled without these, but not without love.
The absence of love leaves a devastating void. When it is not present, your spirituality becomes superficial, your benevolent deeds self-centered, and your sacrifices insincere. In any relationship where love is not your motivation, you can expect it to feel bland and unfulfilling- if not meaningless. When asked to to define life's greatest command, Jesus summed it up this way: to love God with all you are and to love your neighbor as yourself. Will you embrace a life of love?
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