This is why Im getting a divorce

I'm 29 years old. I have a three year old and a one year old. I have been married for 5 years ( my 6 yr anniversary is June 14th!) I was with my husband for four years before we were married. So we are coming up on 10 years together...

Were we too young when we met?

It seems we are living the American Dream, but is the American Dream something not all of us want? 

When you are married, why is that you chose to get married?

Why do you choose to stay married?

Why do you choose to be committed to this person? 

How does our culture view marriage? 

We have a mix of married friends, single friends, and although I do not personally know of anyone my age getting a divorce, I know a lot of people who are my age, their parents are getting divorced. 

But we are now hearing people our age who are just wanting to give up. Playing with divorce in their fingers, getting a feel for it.

My husband has been working out of town a lot lately. This has been a fairly common thing for him with his job. Before we had kids it's why I got a dog! Before kids I thought about temptations he may be faced with. But they just fluttered around my mind and quickly moved on.

With kids, sometimes you can feel a bit more self conscious.

 As you see so many celebrity couples cheating. 

As you can find so many websites that allow you to cheat on your significant other( What the heck right?)

As you leave the t.v. on and commercials play with girls who have a seductive way about them when all it is, is just some hair shampoo.... really?

Now that I have two girls I can't believe how the idea of lust bombards you through commercials. Poisoning their little minds. 

So as my husband was working out of town and they are usually going out to eat or getting a few beers, I don't worry about cheating. But should I? I mean look at our society today... 

If I ever start to worry, I pray.

I trust in God who loves us. I pray for my husband and any temptation that may be taunting him. 

So I got a text last week from my husband telling me how happy he is that we are still close and that he hears so many people who are not happy in their marriage or are single with kids and that our girls will grow up with both of us..

My reaction, Oh shit. What happened... 

Than my oh so romantic text response is , Aww.. me too. It all comes back to Jesus though. I'm going to bed good night love you soooooooo much. 

And that was that. 

So when he gets home he tells me the details.This guy who is married complains about his marriage. They have been married 4 years.  When the waitress is asking if they are married ( to my husband and this other man)  this person replies, eh its an open relationship...

He also doesn't wear his ring. And his wife told him don't bring anything home.

What is this saying?

Why did you get married? 

Today's society divorce is acceptable. Is this because we have just decided to give up? 

Through Jesus we can really love. Love defends the heart.

"If the homeowner had known what time the theif was coming, he would have stayed alert and not let house be broken into." Matthew 24:43

Do we have unfair expectations on our spouses?

Marriage requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action. 

Does it all seem like to much?

It is...

Unless you take it to Jesus. 

Think of spring. How much we enjoy looking at the flowers, the beautiful colors we see popping up all over.

How many of us see a beautiful garden and think, "Boy those are some strong root systems." Yeah me either.

But if it wasn't for their attachment to a main life source and nutrients, the blooms would never have a chance to exist or open. 

"Jesus described our relationship with him as being like branches attached to a vine. We depend on him. We can do nothing without him. If real, authentic, unconditional love is ever to flow from us, we must experience it flowing through us from Christ. "

We must stay connected to the vine... Think about what happens to those flowers when they don't. 

This is why the love we have for our spouses can never reach its full flower until we are abiding in him through faith. 

If your thinking about getting married, let me tell you, its work. It's not easy. But its like all things in life, the hard work pays off, and it's more rewarding and fulfilling than you can ever imagine. 

I'm not divorcing my husband. 

I am divorcing this new acceptance of giving up when something doesn't work anymore. 

I'm committed to fixing something if it's broke. 

 Are you?

Now, don't get me wrong about divorce. Situations where someone is being harmed is different. Please do not think I'm saying if that is the case you should stay with that person.

 Heck, I'm not telling you anything, just simply wondering why are so many people not staying married? :)

I pray for my daughters husbands a lot. Even more as I see my marriage change shape each year. 

So today and forever let's stand up for our spouses and marriage. Let's understand how to make a marriage work and how to love like Jesus.. 

"Lord, keep us in your Love. Don't let us stray from you and do what you need to do to keep us from ruining our witness as your followers. Teach us to guard our hearts. In Jesus' name, amen."

Are you a No Trans Fat Christian?

So I want to share with you some more from the book " Crazy Love" Im reading by Francis Chan. He has a great analogy of the labeling we find often now on food, " No Trans Fat". I decided to post this so you get an idea of how straight forward he is before I post what he says about Lukewarm Christians, just because that will hit ya hard after you read it.. Well for most of us it will! This was a great reminder for me when I feel far from God or disconected to do something about it , Right away. Because like Chan says loving God is what its all about. Following God and learning what love is, is what leads us to eternity... which we will all face one day.

And so it begins with potato chips!


(From the Book "Crazy Love")

Recently I saw a  bag of potato chips with a bold declaration splashed across the front: " Zero grams of trans fat." I was glad to know that I wouldn't be consuming and trans fat, which research has shown is detrimental to my health. But then I flipped the bag over and read the ingredients list, which included things like " yellow #6 and other artificial colors and partially hydrogenated oil, which is trans fat, just a small enough amount that they can legally call it " 0 grams". I thought it was incredibly ironic that these chips were being advertised in a way that makes me think they are not harmful yet were really full of empty calories, weird chemicals, and ironically, trans fat.

It struck me that many Christians flash around " no trans fat" label, trying to convince everyone they are healthy and good. Yet they have no substantive or healthful elements to their faith. It's like the Laodiceans, who thought they had everything until Christ told them they were poor and wretched. They were all about declaring, " Look we have no trans fat, . We are wealthy, or we have good families, or we go to church every week." Obviously, its not what you advertise that counts, its what you are really made of.

Gods definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love. 

Paul writes that even if " I have faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but haven ot love, I gain nothing." ( 1 Corn. 13:2-3)

So God assesses our lives based on how we love. But the word love is so overused and worn out.  God tells us this about love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

But even those words have grown tired and overly familiar, haven't they?

Here's a little exercise for you to try. Read through the scripture again and insert your name. For example, Francis  is patient..... Do it for every phrase in the passage. 

By the end dont you feel like a liar?

Following Christ isn't something that can be done halfheartedly or on the side. It is not a label we can display when its useful. It must be central to everything we do and are. 

If life is a river then pursuing Christ requires swimming upstream. When we stop swimming or actively following Him, we automatically begin to be swept downstream. I believe that much of the American churchgoing population, while not specifically swimming downstream, is slowly floating away from Christ. It isn't a conscious choice, but it is nonetheless happening because little in their lives propels them toward Christ.

Why do I have to tell people about God?

My grandma is 76 years old.

 She  lives in her house alone.

Walks down her basement stairs every time she needs to get laundry done.

  Does water aerobics weekly.

Walks at the Y weekly

Stays very active at her senior center.

She takes the bus everywhere because she has never had a license.

 She’s an inspiration to me and I love her so much. The other day we were talking and she told me how she went to visit an old friend that lived across the street from her when her boys were young.  This lady had four children and 2 husbands. All her children and both husbands have died. She is almost 90 years old.  My grandma said what my heart was saying, “ It has to be the worst to lose your children.”

Then Grandma went on to say that day she felt ready. Ready to leave this earth and join her loves in heaven.  She said that she feels peace because all her children know the Lord.

I thought about that. And that’s exactly how I would feel. I want my daughter to know the Lord and I pray now that she does.   Last Sunday at church the message was how it is every Christians responsibility to tell others about God.  All the excuses we make mean nothing, we have a duty to fulfill, and many of us shy away from it. 

Which brings me back to my grandma.  Every time I had a new boyfriend or a new friend ( we moved around a lot so I made lots of friends!) she would ask me, “ Do they know the Lord?” It never mattered to her what religion they were, if they went to church every Sunday, she just wanted to know if they knew the Lord. Many times I would answer "well yeah so and so goes to church".. and I never realized until later in life how important that question is and that going to church every Sunday is not a free pass on knowing God.

My grandma is asking the most important question and how sad is it, if that every new person we meet who doesn’t know the Lord, we just pull out an excuse on why we can’t tell them about Jesus?

In college I told people that I was a Christian. Yet I didn’t give 100 percent of my life to God. I still liked to have control.  I was still exercising my freedom of being 750 miles away from my parents.  Yet my dad loves Jesus so much and because of him and my mom I had Jesus in my heart.  

But I kept my excuses handy in my pocket and never hesitated to use them when I felt there was a time I could have witnessed to someone. I wanted to get over the feelings of embarrassment and mostly the fear of not knowing enough. 

I worried that someone would ask me something I didn’t have an answer for and then I worried what they would think of me.  Mostly in college I wanted to start going to church because guilt was my motivator, and honestly that isn’t always the best motivator.  I was having a lot of convictions at the time. I was split 50/50. I wanted to be close with God and tell others but I didn’t want to give up bad habits that made me feel comfort and apart of something. 

So when I wanted to tell someone about God my actions swelled up in my throat and I felt ashamed.  But God didn’t give up on me.  He just used a more drastic approach… for me I was stubborn. There were 3 times when I was feeling convictions and  was involved in 3 car accidents. ( I will post these experiences next)

The truth is when we give our life to Jesus and just say YES! We are excited about the ways he has changed things in our lives, in us right? When we say Yes to God’s word, Yes to prayer, yes to worship, he works in us, and because of his love for us amazing things happen, some call them miracles.

Although we are not to judge others, we are meant to tell others about Jesus. The harsh truth is what will happen when you die? When Judgment day comes upon you?

  The best news is, God knows you. He will help you speak to others to overcome whatever excuses you find yourself digging for.  He allows us to start over every day, get another chance.  So today I’ll pray that I can find the right words, keep my eyes open for the opportunity when someone needs to hear that Jesus is their savior. If you’re feeling guilt like I was, confess you sin. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Ask God to forgive you. Let him change your heart.  

Like most things the first time will feel crazy, and nerve racking and you may not say everything exactly how you hoped, but that’s ok. Because each time it gets easier and God will continue to work in your heart and you’ll be bringing others to heaven with you.

My dad and I had a great conversation the other day about heaven and being rewarded for what we do here on earth. He asked an interesting question, I’ll leave you with......

What happens when we get to heaven expecting to see a loved one and they are not there?

“When the son of man comes in his glory, and all the angels  with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepard separates the sheep from his goats. He will put the sheep on his right andgoats on his left. Then the King will say to those on His right, “ Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world….” Then He will say to those on his left, “ Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels”.. Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life( Matthew 25:31-34, 41, 46.

Raising Riley

It takes awhile to find peace.  Some tdays seem easier than others. But once you truly let peace fill your soul, it’s not a far reach on the days that aren’t so great.  Just a week ago Eric and I transplanted some bushes from our woods.  I am not a garderner in my opinion because I don’t know the names of hardly anything, but I have to say its in my blood because my mom is an AMAZING Gardner. 

That’s her gift flowers and  creating beauty.   

While I was out watering them  a beautiful  big yellow and black butterfly landed right on my chest. It stayed there for a good five minutes. I couldn’t believe it stayed on me that long.  That has never happened to me.  It was in that moment that I just continued to be so thankful for all that surrounds me. I must be doing something right with the flowers and bushes out there:)

But this summer with Riley being such a good helper I can get so much more done outside. 

  She’s not afraid to dig in the dirt 

and let her toes feel the soft cool grass.   

She loves going on our trail and hugging the trees and saying

 Hi to them.  We love to stop on the trail and lift our arms out wide and I tell her, 

“ Feel the breeze Riley.  Thank you Jesus for the trees and this wonderful breeze.” 

And in that moment we look at one other and smile.  I’d like to think that with all the time we spend outside without all the noise in the world, is a great way to teach Riley about God.   

It seems much easier when you see a breathtaking view to have a thought not too far behind come along and say, “WOW, is there more?  Who can create such astonishment?

Riley now knows before we eat dinner we pray. She starts to fold her hands together.  I’d like to think that these little repetitions will also teach her how to have a relationship with God.   This is the only thing I have not looked up. Honestly I have searched and read soo many articles and other people’s experiences online about parenting. Makes me think my mother would be going crazy if it wasn’t for the internet.

 But after she turned one, the obsession has come almost to a stand still.  Riley, is her own person. It’s my job to train her in the way she should go. Teach her by showing.   

We can’t walk into a child’s room and say “ITS SO MESSY IN HERE” and walk out and expect them to clean it.  Isn’t it in our nature to please others? I’m sure that child wants to please their parent and will attempt to clean. But when that parent comes in and has different expectations of clean.. the frustration takes over on both parts. It’s so important not to micromanage our kids.

What’s the best way to train them? SHOW THEM!!!That’s where a lot of my strength and courage come in with parenting.  Riley has learned everything by watching hasn’t she? It’s amazing to see what a 15 month old can do..  I have to continue to pray that I can be the best example for her. I have to continue to touch base with God, so I can be the best mom for Riley.

So I think that if I show her now the importance of God in our lives that by nature she will want to experience that same love and choose to have an amazing relationship with Jesus.

   

From the Unity Class I go to we watched Chip Ingram on House or Home.  He pointed out how many of us will send our kids to Christian schools and expect them to teach our children how to be spiritual.  He wasn’t putting down Christian schools, but made me think about how this is just another area of life that you are the best example for your child in how to know Jesus.

Watching our children grow we pray that they will know Jesus, but we also need to pray that we can show them too.  We can pray to trust God and follow his word on how to be a parent. Something that will stay true and bring much more value than a Google search.

Be open and show your children what it means to love and how on difficult days there is a reason we can find strength and hope… and that reason is Jesus. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

New Toys, Like New Car?

My husband was out in the parking lot of Toys R Us yesterday, while I went in to look for a play vacuum for our daughter, and I called him while in the store and said, " It's 20 bucks.. think I could find one at a garage sale?"

 Then when I got back to the car I told him how I saw the same xylophone toy we got for our daughter for $.50 at a garage sale last summer for a regular price of 18.99 there! He said, Buying New Toys is like Buying a new car... STUPID!! 

 But think about it? Isn't more less, and less is even better when it's cheaper?! 

 Toys with kids are like new cars… as soon as you buy them they can get scuffed up chewed up … or what to me seems the worst, not played with at all. I’ve gotten a few comments now on how clean our house is with a toddler… I think what most people mean is how do you keep all her toys organized and cleaned? 

Easy…. She doesn’t have a lot of toys… ( but that changes based on every individuals perspective, because somewhere out there.. plenty of kids have less then her too) which brings me to my next piece …

 Do you have everything you need? 

 Need and want.. always such a battle between the two isn’t? You start with I want, then a few more sentences inside your head justifying your need and then before you know it your want turned into a need and boom its on credit of some sort… This family's story really spoke to me and got me thinking and saying to myself, Yes Lord, I do have everything I need, and that's found in you.

 Check out this inspiring story about a family of FOUR who Live in a 168 sq foot home!! (Its only a few minutes worth it!!)

 My personal example of falling into the curse of the worldly ways was just a month after having Riley. I started thinking about the idea of having 2 kids in our home. Because of the overwhelming push of accessorizing everything when you have a baby, I said this house is WAY TO SMALL!! 

 What a crazy thing to think about when we have 4 bedrooms in this house... 2 kids each could have their own room, and we have 2 bathrooms... isn't that already more than enough? I started realizing it's so much better to be content with what you have instead of always wanting more and more and more. Not to say it's not hard, because that is the push of our world. And with all of us hooked up to the internet it's a pool of temptations. The same goes for me with toys for Riley. 

So quickly they add up and get shoved to all the corners of every room until they are overflowing and you start to say to your kid, YOU HAVE TOO MANY TOYS!! .... funny thing isn't? You think as parents to your child, I've given you all these things, you have all these toys, and you want to play with a spoon? Or all these toys and you want more? I'm sure God has the same thoughts.... he's given us all these things here on earth, all these natural beautiful things, and sometimes we don't care because we want more.... 

Why do we want more? 

Are we looking over our shoulder at someone else? 

Maybe we want more spiritually.. and not sure how to fill that void. 

 Man has created all these distractions all these material things that take us away from all the natural things.. Funny when you think about how our food is shifting and we are now demanding more "natural food" How did it get to be that we are hoping the food we eat and put into our bodies is REAL? We have everything we need... we are just letting the worldly things cover it up.

 Salvation isn't found in stuff. 

Let the one who created who who knows what brings the greatest joy to your soul, fill you up and guide you. 

 When you think about the Bible, do you think it's simply a message about how to get to heaven?

 Or does it also hold a message for the here and now that radically changes how we should live, today, right now?

 "Don't store up treasures here on earth where they can erode away or may be stolen. Store them in heaven where they will never lose their value." Matthew 6:19-20..