Have you ever had that gut feeling where you just know something isn't right but you try to lay out all the practical reasons on how it could be right?
Thats how I have been feeling lately. I've been so stressed a deep stress that has been affecting my health, which I was blaming that on my sickening feeling, that inside voice saying your off path. But I figured I'll listen to the practical reasons on how this choice can benefit me... stupid me got sucked into that damn money world. I let money and guide my decision. I quickly learned from that one.
So I started this process of going through with the decision that made my stomach turn.. a promotional opportunity at work. After it was over I felt like I wanted to just say no, but felt too bad. They all kept telling me how much they wanted me to get it. So than i had five days off and prayed that God would give me peace about this decision... I didn't get peace and should have took that as a sign.
But finally after meeting with my boss today... I decided no. Peace came and I am so glad I stopped it now before I got myself into something I would regret. There are a few main reasons why I didn't want this position and the biggest one is it just doesn't feel right. Maybe its because other things are to come.
Either way, I feel better....So tonight I just wanna reflect on God and the amazing ways he is always in control. He will take over when he knows we are making the wrong decision we just have to trust in him no matter what. You will never understand this unless you truly give up those practical reasons on a decision and just follow your heart.
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Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
it's a long and lonely fall
Also as humans with wanting to get ourselves to the top, we are scared to let anyone help us. We are scared that if we might fail we will let all those who tried to help down. We start to fear whats at the bottom of the mountain if we happen to fall down.
We might know that if we fall, the fall just might kill us.
So we try to forget the kill is at the bottom. We try to put all the pressures of getting to the top away, tuck them inside and then we don't realize by tucking them in, its weighing us down, closer to the end of the mountain, easier for us to lose balance, and take the fall.
Yet one of the most important things and most memorable in life is when you let others in and help you. Not all the time you are going to find people that want to help you. So when you do, think of it as that guardian angel climbing alongside that mountain with you and pushing u along, where before you know it you realize your almost at the top.
Seeing the light in someones eyes when they ask can i help you, and u look up and say yes is worth it to say yes, when you have someone who truly cares about you makes life that much better.
so my message today is let someone help you if they are offering it to you.
Because if you say no,
you might just fall, and it could bring you to your death.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
God's timing and my Perspective on life flipped
About 8 weeks ago, I decided to start applying for any job in my field and started in the sales avenue. MY brain was so scattered I was not sure what the hell I wanted to do for a career. I had to keep searching every day to get this voice in my head to stop with the whole "You got a degree in Journalism and you are working at Target?'
So I applied to about 5 different places. But there was only one that I was really hoping to get, which was working at YNN as a news assistant. Basically an entry level position into my FIELD! YAY!! I was excited that there was even a position available. The other four I applied for was sales positions and I got a few call backs from them but I just was really not feeling the sales side of life.
So.... I waited and got really sad because three weeks after i turned in my application to YNN I heard nothing. I kept asking myself, "I cant even get an entry level position in my field?" It totally ate me up.
Than I get an e-mail from someone with YNN. Asking if I am still interested in the position and when I am available to do a phone interview.
I jumped up so high all my energy excitement was back, I WAS GOOD ENOUGH!! That right there was the confidence booster I needed. I thanked God right away! So i replied back with my availability any time after 4 Wed are my day off.
He responded back with an e-mail of can you come to the office at noon?
WOW i just went from a phone interview to an actual interview in a day! God is really boosting my ego now!
Then it all drops and I cant figure out the reason. I respond back to his e-mail yes. HE rights back later in the evening that day
Sorry you got back to me after the 12 meeting and due to breaking news I wont be available the rest of the week. Please keep in touch for the next available position.
I couldnt believe it. I just got back from prepping with the editor at The Batavian and its all over. Just like that. I didn't understand.
So I let the man know this. I told him I thought he meant wed at noon since that is the only time I am available during the day... and now there is no longer a position? This all happened tues night. So i felt at least i can rest easy tonight knowing my interview got canceled.
Wed morning the day I thought i would have my interview i decided to prep with the questions anyways.. why not. Then at 11:30 I get a phone call from ynn. I crapped my pants. I thought I am not ready oh no. So i ignored it hoping they would leave a voicemail. They didn't About ten mins later they call again...Oh lord i think i have to answer now. SO I do and the man responds with I dont know where we last left off in our emails but can you come to the office today?
Oh boy.
SO we hang up I rush to get ready my nerves are ALL over the place. I get ready and on my way to buffalo. I have a 40 min drive to get there so figure I can practice on the way. I prayed for peace that i would be calm during the interview and all of a sudden in the midst of my hands shaking they stopped. And i felt totally calm.
The interview went great! My hands werent shaky I met with a c0uple guys got to see the place and in the beginning of the interview i was on cloud nine "I could be doing this I could be here!" Its all i kept thinking.
Then we talked about the pay which is less than what i make now but I figured so that didn't bother me I was still all excited... Then we talked about the hours....then my heart sank. 2:30-11pm and NO weekends off. Ugh Right now i get every other weekend off.
Then I went to look at the studio and I felt huh.
Then when I felt like they were about to offer to me and asked what i thought, I couldnt show my excitement because i didnt have much. I told them the hours were something i would really have to think about.
After the interview (it was an hour and half) I sat in my car. I just felt like huh. I went in thinking this was my dream job and left thinking about how much I love where I am right now. I live so close to work less than a minute. I enjoy my job the pay is decent. I like my hours. and i get to be home with my husband the one thing i need to have everyday.
I realized that I am not old but not that young and my priorities are NOTHING they were like when I started college. I know now that family is so important to me. I want to be a mom and I want to be there for my kids and husband. I really can't start this kinda career right now not anymore. I realize I want to be home with my kids have that farm house and be able to write some books.
Then at my current job a promotional opportunity comes up. God's timing is amazing. God is amazing. That little interview changed everything for me and made me realize how happy i really am right now. I know it's ok that I got my degree in journalism and may not use it in that field. I am ok with that. And it feels great!!
So I applied to about 5 different places. But there was only one that I was really hoping to get, which was working at YNN as a news assistant. Basically an entry level position into my FIELD! YAY!! I was excited that there was even a position available. The other four I applied for was sales positions and I got a few call backs from them but I just was really not feeling the sales side of life.
So.... I waited and got really sad because three weeks after i turned in my application to YNN I heard nothing. I kept asking myself, "I cant even get an entry level position in my field?" It totally ate me up.
Than I get an e-mail from someone with YNN. Asking if I am still interested in the position and when I am available to do a phone interview.
I jumped up so high all my energy excitement was back, I WAS GOOD ENOUGH!! That right there was the confidence booster I needed. I thanked God right away! So i replied back with my availability any time after 4 Wed are my day off.
He responded back with an e-mail of can you come to the office at noon?
WOW i just went from a phone interview to an actual interview in a day! God is really boosting my ego now!
Then it all drops and I cant figure out the reason. I respond back to his e-mail yes. HE rights back later in the evening that day
Sorry you got back to me after the 12 meeting and due to breaking news I wont be available the rest of the week. Please keep in touch for the next available position.
I couldnt believe it. I just got back from prepping with the editor at The Batavian and its all over. Just like that. I didn't understand.
So I let the man know this. I told him I thought he meant wed at noon since that is the only time I am available during the day... and now there is no longer a position? This all happened tues night. So i felt at least i can rest easy tonight knowing my interview got canceled.
Wed morning the day I thought i would have my interview i decided to prep with the questions anyways.. why not. Then at 11:30 I get a phone call from ynn. I crapped my pants. I thought I am not ready oh no. So i ignored it hoping they would leave a voicemail. They didn't About ten mins later they call again...Oh lord i think i have to answer now. SO I do and the man responds with I dont know where we last left off in our emails but can you come to the office today?
Oh boy.
SO we hang up I rush to get ready my nerves are ALL over the place. I get ready and on my way to buffalo. I have a 40 min drive to get there so figure I can practice on the way. I prayed for peace that i would be calm during the interview and all of a sudden in the midst of my hands shaking they stopped. And i felt totally calm.
The interview went great! My hands werent shaky I met with a c0uple guys got to see the place and in the beginning of the interview i was on cloud nine "I could be doing this I could be here!" Its all i kept thinking.
Then we talked about the pay which is less than what i make now but I figured so that didn't bother me I was still all excited... Then we talked about the hours....then my heart sank. 2:30-11pm and NO weekends off. Ugh Right now i get every other weekend off.
Then I went to look at the studio and I felt huh.
Then when I felt like they were about to offer to me and asked what i thought, I couldnt show my excitement because i didnt have much. I told them the hours were something i would really have to think about.
After the interview (it was an hour and half) I sat in my car. I just felt like huh. I went in thinking this was my dream job and left thinking about how much I love where I am right now. I live so close to work less than a minute. I enjoy my job the pay is decent. I like my hours. and i get to be home with my husband the one thing i need to have everyday.
I realized that I am not old but not that young and my priorities are NOTHING they were like when I started college. I know now that family is so important to me. I want to be a mom and I want to be there for my kids and husband. I really can't start this kinda career right now not anymore. I realize I want to be home with my kids have that farm house and be able to write some books.
Then at my current job a promotional opportunity comes up. God's timing is amazing. God is amazing. That little interview changed everything for me and made me realize how happy i really am right now. I know it's ok that I got my degree in journalism and may not use it in that field. I am ok with that. And it feels great!!