My friends birthday... except he is not on this earth.

I have not wrote about Jonathan....not since he was murdered. Murdered. Can you believe it, one of my best friends, someone who I have some of the BEST memories with, was murdered, and the man who shot him, shot himself as well. A tragedy.

Today is his birthday. One day after my younger bro. Seths birthday. So I will always remember it. He would have been 31.

Shock enclosed my body for a few days.  How could Jonathan not be here anymore?
It's been really hard. I miss him so much. The only other person close to me in my life who has left this world was my grandpa. I did not attend his funeral because we lived in Virginia and they lived in Wisconsin.

My best friends funeral was my first one. Never would have guessed that. But I suppose it is our last first time experience together... man... we had so many good times.

I met Jonathan in Canandaiuga at Finger Lakes Community College. And in no exaggeration, those were the best years of my life. And those years Jonathan Eric and I were inseperable. We were wild, young, and free.  It took me 3 years just to get over missing Canandaigua and our times there... Many times Jonathan and I would agree and wish we could just relive those years..

I had not seen Jonathan in a whole year. Sure that doesn't seem too long when you are in the mood of having and raising babies, but when that person is gone, not here, a year seems like it is way more than 365 days...

About a week before Jonathan stood up to defend a girl and lost his life, I was thinking how we needed to get together he needed to meet Mackenzie....

You know if you are a parent of young kids, single people's lives just do not mesh. It was hard for us to get together..

I never took the time to call him...
Damn right.
But I have my guard up. I know there is a weakness for the devil to start to attack. I do not let him win. I rest in the fact that Jonathan and I were great friends and we loved each other dearly. I do not hesitate for a minute that he knows that.

2 days after I heard about Jonathan. He was in my head all day long. Making comments on my life, and joking with me. I am actually crying as I write this loving that he was with me, missing him right all over again. It makes you wonder about our spirits, watching over our loved ones.

In some ways his death opened my eyes to a life that can be so short and should never ever be taken for granted. He reminded me of who I am, that I am not just a mom. He reminded me of how much I love him and how he really was an amazing person in my life and also my husbands.

I am SO SO thankful for our memories we have. I am so thankful that he stood up in our wedding representing Eric and I. I am so thankful for his amazing family and knowing that he is with Jesus right now and how amazing it must be.

I am so thankful that Jesus tells me I will see him again. I am so thankful that I can feel Jonathan in so many things I do... but it's still hard. I am so glad that at the funeral his family shared stories to let us know that Jonathan and Jesus know each other.

Time heals wounds. That I know. So I am slow to my tears in knowing that it will pass and they will become less and that it is ok to be sad.

Today in honor of Jonathans birthday, we must drink. So I know that when my husband gets home we will drink... Its exactly what he would be doing, and he may even be doing in heaven.

I'll leave you with one of the many memories we share.

We were in Jonathans car man I can't even remember the kind it was, a bigger car that had some serious shocks going on.  We were just getting back from a party and I think we ended up leaving cuz we were bored. We pulled into the driveway of a pool and spa business. Jonathan Eric and I look at eachother. We smile.

"Wanna go in?"
"In our clothes?"
"Hell yeah."

Alright in and than out.

We get the nerve to go in. We are all in this little display pool outside on the corner of an intersection, laughing, smiling, nervously looking out for cops.

"Oh Shit, cops, duck."
Yep we went under water.
We pop out laughing and run out into his car. Wait was this car his grandmas? Or his moms. We get in the car wet nervous Jonathan drives off fast, nervous, he drives off the driveway onto the gravel of some sort, and he is really upset about the rocks and dirt getting under the car, because I cant remember whose car it was but he knew they would not be happy about it.
I remember giving him such a hard time, "Oh stop live a little, it will be fine" I said. I know he is smiling right now saying, Yes you were right Tas. Im glad we did everything that we did together. I miss you and I can't wait to hang out with you again....

Miss you so much....

Until we meet again...